So, yesterday morning I woke up and there was no water in the sink. Hmmm, that’s curious. But I knew it had been cold out the night before. I made an educated guess that the basement door had blown open and the pipes were frozen. That happened last year, maybe even the year before. Not a big deal either time. I shut the door, cranked the heat and within an hour or two I had water. So, I take these same steps. But with some extra added advice and concern from my friends.
So, I get the hair dryer and go to the basement to try to speed along the process. Now, in my old house in the woods, the pipes froze ALL the time. I mean ALL the time. And there were many reasons it did. We used space heaters to thaw them out or we just waited till spring.
So, as I stand there in my cold basement, looking up at the maze of pipes above my head, I realize I am not too confident as to which are actually the water pipes. There is a little voice in my head saying ” You know which ones the water pipes are. Don’t be an idiot. You know exactly what they look like!” But because of years of self esteem issues, I tell that voice to shut the hell up because I don’t know anything and I aim my hair dryer right at the pipe above my head.
It’s kind of a big pipe, it’s plastic, it is running next to a waste pipe. I figured that is all good stuff so I aim and blow. I hear some cracking and I think yea! it is working!!! I blow up and down the line for maybe 5 minutes. And then I am bored so I go back up stairs. A few minutes later I hear the water come on in the bathroom. Oh goody for me!!!
I go back down stairs and I shut off the kitchen sink but hear a waterfall happening in my basement. I open the door and run down. But before I leap off the bottom step into the steaming water falling from the ceiling, I stop. I remember the stories of electrocution. I don’t know what all to do so I run back upstairs. I call my neighbor who tells me to go shut off the water. That is a brilliant idea. I mean, I recognize it as a brilliant idea. I just can’t make that dream a reality though because I don’t know how to shut off the water, or where to and I am afraid of being electrocutedted. But I did go back down and stand on the stairs and look around for any sparks or I don’t know all what. Just the massive amounts of water pouring in every which way.
So I run back upstairs and my neighbor is there and ready to go. Without fear he plows thru the water falling like he’s on a Disney ride and shuts off the water. My hero! Then I got to look around at what had been hit. It’s bad. Really. Really bad. So, my hero says he will wet vac it all out and repair as many leaks as he can. Me, I just wandered around going “fuck. fuck. CRAP!!!!!”
So, I was explaining the series of events that lead up to my frantic phone call to him. And when I pointed to the pipe I had the blow dyer on he kinda laughed. It was the pipe that was connected to the old in-house vacuum cleaner. Yes, I have a hole on every level of my house where you connect a hose and voilia—vacuume! I don’t use it as it’s from the 40’s and it just looks scary. So, yeah, I was blowin it’s pipes. Had nothing to do with water. The water lines were on the other wall. But that poor under used vacuum had it’s pipes blown if you know what I mean 😉
Couldn’t handle it so I took the kids and we ran to the movies despite not being showered. That is my escape. I will use our last dollar on a movie, telling the kids that the popcorn is dinner. Movies are the best escape. Better than drugs, or alcohol, or sex….get me to a movie and I can forget everything for at least an hour and a half.
I suppose this relates to my life thus far in that I was blowing the wrong pipe. The pipe that was empty,not turned on, with no chance of it giving me what I really needed. Not listening to myself to know the pipes I should have blown to get some action. Those pipes got mad seeing me blow the useless pipe and just burst. Fuckers. What a way to start a day….