Flying the friendly skies

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what would Steven do?

So, by now we have all heard about flight attendant Steve who lost his mind and told off a passenger and then made a grande exit via the blow up emergency slide with two beers in his hand. It has been hotly debated whether or not poor Steve was in the right with his actions or in the wrong. Which ever you believe can’t you at least agree with the fact that what he did was hysterical? I mean, I suppose it wasn’t if you were the asshole he was telling off….but for the rest of us…HYSTERICAL!!!

Poor Steve is just plain lucky that he waited to have his tantrum until the Bush adminstration was out of office. I mean, can you imagine if he had pulled a stunt like that just 3 short years ago? He would have been labeled a terrorist and all air traffic would have been stopped until he was interrogated as to the origin of his ying yang tattoo. And even when Steve would have told them that the pictures they had of him dressed as a jeanie at the company Halloween party was really just a costume rental and that he did not in fact have any ties to Al Qaeda, they would have tortured him and labeled him an axis of evil. All because he lost his cool while on an air plane. I think Obama just giggled.

We have all lost our shit when provoked. Even Ghandi lost it every so often. Just the other day I was sitting with my kid in a family restaurant, trying to have a peaceful dinner when the lady next to us was so incredibly loud there was no ignoring her. Not drunk, not yelling, just one of those naturally LOUD people. And our tables were almost on top of each other. Now, if she was a loud interesting person, that may  have been tolerable. But she was loud and ignorant. What a waste of a voice that carries. Although, I was later to find out that she was the lead in many theater productions including Agnes of God…..amen. Then she went on and on and on about her kids. How her son loves her and her daughter not so much…suprising, really. Then came the state of the economy and her take on housing prices which of course led to the ever productive  Upstate New Yorker Has Opinion About Illegal Immigration conversation. Round them all up and ship them back to where they came from. And if they don’t go quietly shoot them. And make them take their thousands of babies with them cause those babies are the reason we don’t have jobs.

Ok, so far, all I can do is giggle slightly cause I mean really…seriously? Next, she moves onto healthcare. This one apparently really gets her going. Now, sure, I have friends who feel the same way she does which was “I don’t wanna pay for some fat ass person who is going to die of obesity anyway to get healthcare. It’s their fault they got that fat! I mean, look at me…I am middle-aged, I am fit, workout and sure I have great genetics on my side but so what! I watch what I eat and I eat healthy. I do not want to pay for the beer guzzling idiot up the street who can’t be bothered to go to the gym or eat a carrot!”

On a good day I am extremely tolerant of assholishness behavior. I really am. I can generally just nod and smile and make the imbecile believe that I am agreeing with them or at the very least they are changing my mind. The phrase “you might be right” has worked wonders for me in the past few years. When it comes to the level of stupidity that I was sitting next to, this monster who was sucking down a regular coke, eating her 3rd slice of pizza and visually 30 pounds overweight for someone her height, well, it had been a helluva day for me too and this bitch screaming in my ear about healthcare was not helping. So, I snapped. I pulled a Steve.

I turned to her and said with a smile “Ya know, I totally agree with you!! Although, I wouldn’t mind paying for an obese person who wanted to lose weight, who wanted to save their own life. It’s the recreational runner who goes running every day for hours who blows out his knee….hell NO I don’t want that on MY bill!!! I mean, he was running for fun, for excercise, he should have KNOWN when to stop…as in before he needed a total knee replacement at age 40. I have NO sympathy for THAT idiot.” Her smile slowly faded as she took in my point. My smile didn’t budge. I said ” If we are going to have to use our hard earned tax dollars for universal healthcare there should be some sort of regulations on who gets to live and who gets to die, dontcha think? You and I would probably make a great team to decide on the worth of a life!! Now, if you don’t mind could you please keep your voice down, I don’t want you infecting the next generation with your backward ideas.”

She shut up for about 5 minutes and then carried on in her loud ass voice about black people and the free ride they get to college. I left that up to the african american man sitting two tables away to handle. I paid my bill, left an extra large tip for the poor waiter who also had to suffer indirectly, her rant on gays in the military, took my 7 year old and left. I swear this woman was a female Michael Savage. But Michael Savage is never just sitting next to me at Pizzeria Uno’s. I suppose if he was he’d get an earful also. 

We have all lost it. All of us. Maybe not with great style or with humor but we have. Sometimes we ARE the asshole. I was driving thru a mostly deserted parking lot to drop off a few bags of clothes to the salvation army drop box. I was not speeding, but I was not fully stopping for all of the fake stop signs in the parking lot. I was looking to make sure that I was clear, but not fully stopping. When I got out to donate my bags of clothes a lady approached me. She was smiling and she said “Can I ask you a question?” “Sure” I reply thinking she was going to ask the hours of the drop box or how to get a receipt for what was being donated. I was so wrong. She went OFF on me about running every single stop sign in the parking lot. She raised her voice and really shamed me. By the time she was done I felt like the worst person in the entire world and she got into her BMW and left, running the stop sign at the end of the parking lot. I thought to myself that maybe she had lost a loved one to a driver who had failed to stop at a parking lot stop sign, and I vowed to change my disorderly stopping habits right then and there. See? I was th asshole in that situation, and I made an effort to change my assholishness behavior.

I could have told her off with just as much righteous indignation as I was also going thru an extremely rough period in MY life and then hurled a garbage bag full of clothes and shoes at her, mooned her, then drove around the parking lot running every single stop sign until she either called the police or lost her mind. But I didn’t.

Steve had a point. People are assholes and sometimes we lose our shit when trying to deal with them. And instead of blowing up the plane, or stalking the asshole and killing him, or taking it out on his loved ones, he said what needed to be said, then he made a grande exit. Imagine if we all had emergency blow up slides for just such moments, the world could be a better place.

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About sparklingbytheway

I am a single mother to three girls. I live in a very small village and I teach dance in another very small village that is on the oppisite side of the medium sized city. This blog is about my life, past, present and future. My opinions, my thoughts, my ideas. I love to read other people's experience, strength and hope and so now I will share a little bit of my own. I love to laugh and make others laugh. I swear and I can't spell for shit but I never intend to offend!!!

3 responses »

  1. Love this!
    I have gone out in my own blaze of ( in my head) glory. I wished that I had a blow up slide too but I was only armed with a Diet Pepsi that I downed in two second because I need a drink after telling my so called boss off on the phone. So I drank my soda and belched the loudest belch in the world ( not on purpose ), in front of all my employees and customers. I said a few choice words and stormed off into the parking lot, only to realize I had parked my car across the street and had to wait for traffic before I could cross!!!
    If only I had, had a blow up slide…..

  2. LOL Lynn!!!! I can’t tell you how many times I have made my point and then tried to make a dramatic exit only to be fouled up by traffic or small children or locked doors….such is my life 🙂 But if I could have let out a huge belch while waiting then maybe I could have redeemed myself….cause that is funny!!!!!

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