Monthly Archives: October 2010

Doctor, when I go like ‘this’ it hurts…


I could keep him busy for years....

I just got insurance!!! I seriously never believed that I would actually be excited about getting health insurance! But I am!I have been uninsured for years now. And of course, as I was uninsured, but such a lover of pop culture, I had to be obvious and contract swine flu at the height of the outbreak, which turned into a severe case of double pneumonia. Because I am nothing if not relevent and I always am in step with what is happening in the world. Swine flu? Yup, had it. Double pneumonia resulting from swine flu in the middle of July? I’m so hip I took it to the extreme.

That racked me up a 14,000.00 hospital bill. That is the price I pay for being on the cutting edge of current events. Anyway, living without health insurance can make a person sick. I finally found a way to buy really crappy health insurance. Yea me! And I took myself right to the doctor who looked after me when I was released from my week long hospital stay last summer. He is a nice enough guy. But, his patients average age is 84. I am 37. I imagine myself to be a breath of fresh air in his day of diagnosing high blood pressure, incontinence and bunions. I come in with simpler complaints.

Hello doctor! Today, I have a lump on my neck. He checks it out and says he believes it is just an over extended muscle. Ok, I say. How about my exhaustion, my dizziness and my plugged ear? He looked in my ear, checked my thyroid levels and told me to stop riding the carosel at the mall. Damn it. There is no stumping this guy! I KNOW!! This mole on my face! Sometimes it burns for no reason!! Ha HA! He checks it out and says “hhmmmm” I know I’ve got him now! He says “yes, well, that does look very suspicious” at which point I start singing “suspicious’re teasing me” like that song Promiscuous Girl by Nelly Furtado. Yeah, he didn’t get it either. He said “very suspicious indeed. I will make an appointment with the dermatologist for this.” So I said “If it’s that suspicious then why not just arrest it right now?” He was not amused. He just looked at me with his doctor stare and said “any other complaints?” I said “well, I am fat. And it seems to be a vicious cycle. I excercise, become exhausted and literally fall asleep and am wiped out for at least a week. So, because I am exhausted, I can’t excercise. Whatcha got for that aliment?” He smirked with that little confession and said “nothing. I got nothing.” Yup, that is why he gets paid the big bucks.

Oh happy day. I get to visit the dermatologist!! Well, not until January as they are just that booked. Everyone except me seems to be really concerned that I should wait so long. Tomorrow I go to the orthopedic for my broken foot and dislocated toe. I would rather be seeing a podiatrist but my insurance doesn’t cover a podiatrist. And I have been hobbling around for months. Having insurance is so fun!!! I scheduled my girly parts doctor visit and felt like a woman again!! It’s not that I enjoy the doctor, or being sick or the threat of suspicious moles or anything, but worrying about your health and not being able to do anything about it is such a depressing place to be. Especially when you are a single mother. I will take advantage of this crappy insurance whist I can so doctors beware!! Because I have learned, the very hard way, that nothing, nothing at all, lasts forever. Insurance, suspicious moles and human beings….everything changes. My eyebrow is twitching…I have to go call the doctor for an appointment….STAT!!!