An Annoying Day In The Life…

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They dont have no stinkin club.

It started off ok. Over slept but that isn’t a big deal. Took the dog to the dog wash. That was ok too, except when he tried to casually back off the waist high table and he almost accidentally hung himself. He didn’t poop in the car so I count that outing as a success. Came home and worked on laundry. This is an annoying project because my 18 month old dryer died so, we wash all the clothes and then haul them down to the laundromat to dry them. You know how freakin heavy wet clothes are? WAY heavier than dry clothes. It’s a good work out I suppose. And FYI: NEVER invest in a Whirlpool Cabrio…horrible company, horrible product, bad investment. Stick with Maytag.

I get the kids together and ready to go. We are planning on going to My Favorite Chinese Restaurant. It’s a beautiful day and off we go. My Favorite Chinese Restaurant is 45 minutes away from my house but in the same town as my best friend which is where my oldest is going to spend the night, so, it makes sense ya see. What doesn’t make sense is that when we get there, I check before we go in to make sure I have my bank card and I don’t have it. I always check before I go in to make sure I have my card because I am paranoid that I will eat, get the bill and not be able to pay. I also have a “thing” about maggots but that’s neither here nor there.

Lo and behold,  I left my bank card in my sweatshirt that I was wearing to bathe the dog! That would be on my bathroom floor 45 minutes away!! What’s worse is I only have one check left in my checkbook!!! Wow, talk about walking a tightrope!!!! What to do…what to do…I have two options as I see it: One, go to My Favorite Grocery Store and write the check for cash or Two: go to Grocery Store I Hate and eat at their hot food bar and write my check to them. I sit there debating. I know it doesn’t sound like it should be a debate, but this is me we are talking about, livin on the edge. Grocery Store I Hate has a “club” and I don’t belong to their “club” so I am not positive they will let me actually cash a check…but, I don’t believe in exclusivity or elitism so I go for Grocery Store I Hate, not really believing that they will not except my check. I don’t even understand this Pluralistic attitude, I guess that makes me a Socialist in some people’s near sightedness, but whatever. I’m not even sure I used those terms correctly so that is probably one of the reasons Grocery Store I Hate doesn’t want me in their stupid club.

The kids and I gather up our food on our tray, we get drinks and plastic wear and napkins and plop it all down in front of the cashier. The cashier who assures me they will cash my last check. I double and triple check before I write on the check making sure that extra sweet cashier guys gets that it is my very last check and I have NO other way to pay for this and we are hungry. 20 minutes later, the manager is explaining to me that I have to be part of their “club” to cash a check. I just smile and nod. I knew this would happen. I HATE the Grocery Store That I Hate for this very reason. Their damn exclusive club crap.  Oh yes, I was a part of their club at one point…apparently my rubber checks weren’t good enough for them and so I was kicked out and banned. But that was 15 years ago. For me, a different lifetime. Not to mention that in the year 2011 it is impossible to bounce a check. So, I know this rejection is personal.

We leave the food and walk out of Grocery Store I Hate with no money and no check and me explaining loudly exactly WHY I hate Grocery Store I Hate to the kids. And the list goes beyond their dumb ass “club” to include the lay out of the parking lot, the volume of traffic, and the blind love the general population has for Grocery Store I Hate’s stock of fresh foods and contributions to the community. If only they knew. And there is a direct connection to the Baldwin but we don’t have to go there right now.

Using my skillz, I immediately start thinking of gas stations that have pizza because I do have the gas card. Contrary to popular belief, I do NOT enjoy gas station food. But,  a mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do. And to be honest, I like feeling resourceful and not having to resort to phone calls and explanations. Again, some near sighted people may see that as a character defect, but whatever. 

I have 45 minutes, at this point, before I have to be at my meeting. I know the gas station that has a pizza/sandwich shop and it is 15 minutes from where we are. So, I Go Go GO!!!! We get there and ofcourse the pizza/sandwich part is closed (most likely due to health code violations). I tell the kids to find something in the isle that is reasonable for a dinner food.

We check out and my oldest has a Cup of Noodles. She is psyched because they have hot water there for coffee and using her resourceful brain she sees that she can use that for her noodles. Check out. Get in the car. I am thinking that my kid may have used her smarts in figuring out how to have a hot meal, but loses points on trying to eat boiling hot soup in a moving vehicle. And as I am thinking this she says “they didn’t have any forks…hopefully we have one in the glovebox…nope…but we do have a coffee stirrer and a straw! So I will just eat this boiling hot cup of soup with this stirrer and straw like they are chopsticks!!” and she smiles at her ingenuity! I smile too because I was sick of being miserable at that point. As we hit the first pot hole and swing around the first curve she says “oh yeah, I don’t know how to use chopsticks…” which sends me into hysterical giggles as she is going “whoooooaaaa MOM!!! Can you try to avoid the potholes???”

I see the ridiculousness of the situation but I am also so proud of my roll with it kids and their ability to not whine or complain. They are really great kids. And we laughed so hard at our “dinner”.

So, I would like to thank you Grocery Store I Hate for validating my 15 year resentment of you and forcing me to find another way to feed my family on the run which led to a half an hour of family time giggles, bonding and revelations such as Cup of Noodles noodles can be sucked up through a straw and cheese nips can be a satisfying meal not just a snack. Life lessons that would not otherwise be learned. There ya go!

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