Let me share something with you…not all rapists are drug addict alcoholics who had a momentary lapse in judgement. Rape has NOTHING to do with the victim. Nothing to do with the victim. You understand that right? A rapist rapes because of an internal flaw that they have always had within themselves. Rape also has nothing to do with sex. NOTHING to do with sex. Got that? It is a violent crime the same as attempted murder.
There is a case that has made headlines recently about the french guy who is a multi billionaire and was going to make a run for the french presidency. Apparently he is also a rapist. Now, everyone is asking “how could he DO something like that? He’s so rich and powerful and obviously smart…” and they are dumbfounded. Here’s another little nugget of knowledge: rapists are sometimes rich, sometimes educated, sometimes pillars of the community, sometimes married with kids. Rapists are NOT always homeless weirdos who are ugly and isolated and dress in ski masks. More often than not a rapist is someone the victim knows. And more often than not a rapist gets away with their crime many many many times before they are caught. When they are caught it is never their first time. That means there are a long trail of victims who have been to scarred or scared to come forward.
And I really wish that these news media and talk show hosts would stop tying to excuse these behaviors of the rich and famous rapists with “well, they must have an ‘addiction’ “. Rape is not an addiction. It is about power and violence against another human being. Being an alcoholic does not make one a criminal. Being a drug addict doesn’t mean they are a rapist. Having a mental illness does not mean committing violent acts against society is a given.
I know many alcoholics and drug addicts and mentally ill people and none of them would ever think of rape as something they are capable of. Being criminally insane is a separate issue from any addiction. Sex addiction does NOT equal rape. Now, can someone who has a sex addiction commit rape? Sure. So can a heroine addict or a person who is bipolar or schizophrenic. But those issues are not an excuse.
A person who abuses their partner or children is simply that, an abusive person, and there is no other excuse for it.They can be labeled as abusive, because not all addicted people abuse their spouse or kids. Anything they are labeled, above and beyond that, is separate. Not saying that drugs or alcohol or any other drug of choice (such as pornography, gambling, sex, food, etc) can’t be a trigger for the abusive person, but they are not an excuse. You can take a drink away from an alcoholic and still have an alcoholic. You can take stress away from an abuser and still have an abuser.
A person who rapes is a rapist. They are NOT an alcoholic who made a bad decision under the influence. They are NOT a sex addict who was trying to get a fix. They are NOT anything more than a criminal. They might have issues, but issues are not excuses. The explanation for a rapist committing a rape is they are a rapist. The explanation for an abuser committing abuses is they are abusive.
So, it really shouldn’t be that shocking to us when someone who is smart, good looking, affluent, funny, nice to be around, seemingly normal, commits such a heinous act. Not all rapists are hiding in a back alley waiting for a poor unsuspecting prostitute to walk by. It’s ok if you didn’t know this. Now you do. Go do some research. And say a prayer for the people who do come forward and report rapists no matter what their class standing or career path. Those victims are survivors and deserve all of our respect and support.