So, Spencer is now on thyroid medication. It has done nothing for his garbage
can diving. He is still farting to beat the band and he hasn’t lost a bit of
weight. But, he is more active, although, I can’t see how that is a good thing.
Spencer is 12 and a half years old, a time when he should be slowing down but
instead, he is speeding up.
He has gotten into the habit of sleeping upstairs with us. He starts in one
bedroom, eventually farts himself to another and still another. Waking me up
with every room change because he is so damn loud. Then, about 2:30am he stands
at the top of the stairs and whines. Every single night. For at least 20
minutes before he finally takes the plunge and throws himself down the stairs.
He’s going to break a hip but he doesn’t care. Generally, he stays down stairs
for about 10 minutes then lumbers back up the stairs, which takes about 5
minutes and falls down in my room with such drama.
Now, I always figured once my kids were sleeping through the night, I would
sleep through the night. I didn’t count on Spencer being a night owl.
Last night was a full out party here at the Spencer abode. At 1am, Eddie decided
that I should know he caught a mouse. So, he brought himself and the mouse into
my bedroom where he proceeded to torture the mouse in every corner of my room
and then under my bed. I finally turned on my light and caught Eddie with the
mouse in his mouth looking at me like a deer caught in headlights. I just looked
at him and said please take that outside, to which he replied with a mouth full
of mouse that he would and he left.
Spencer slept through the entire mouse episode. He even slept through one of his
own farts. I shut off the light and tried to go back to sleep, tried not to
think about the status of the mouse, or the smell of the Spencer fart…just drift
back to sleep…drifting….sleep….POUNCE!!! Eddie lands on my head!!! Ofcourse I
sit up with a small squeal thinking that the mouse is still in his mouth, which
scares Eddie who launches himself backwards off of my head onto Spencer who just
grunts and Eddie runs off to the hallway. I turn on the light to make sure that
there is no dead mouse on my head or in my bed. When I am finally satisfied
there are no mouse guts anywhere, I remake the bed, shut off the light and wait
for my heart to stop pounding while I silently curse all animals for disrupting
my sleep pattern. Ofcourse, by the time I finally find REM again, it’s time for
Spencer’s nightly whine at the top of the stairs. He’s whining, I’m crying and
Eddie thinks this is the perfect time to have a parade because he is the King
Mouse Killer. So, Eddie is doing his flying squirrel impression, jumping from my
bed to my desk and then skidding across my dresser and Spencer is hurdling
himself down the stairs and I am vowing to drop them all off at the farm up the
road because I hate them all.
Within minutes the house is quite again. Eddie is curled up sound asleep in the
crook of my knees (as I am in the fetal position, still crying, wishing death on
these rotten animals). I get up to use the bathroom, and figure I should go find
out where the mouse is. I go down stairs and there is Spencer back to back with
Emma. Neither of them wakes up, they are just sleeping peacefully and I suddenly
remember why I don’t get rid of them. They really are sweet and it looks as
though Spencer comes downstairs nightly to sleep with Em. What a good boy. He
takes turns in all of our rooms, then goes down stairs to make sure his sister
is ok and then comes back upstairs to be with us again. Really thoughtful of
him. Spreading the love and the farts. I go back upstairs and crawl into my warm
bed where Eddie has graciously stayed sleeping keeping my foot space warm. As I
snuggle down with the picture of Spence and Em sleeping so sweetly, I hear
Spencer start his trek back up the stairs and I smile as Eddie comes up and
snuggles into the bend of my arm with his little paw on my chin. And I smile for
the unconditional love. And then I grimace as I remember that Eddie’s paw was
most recently wrapped around a dying mouse. I rolled over with a sigh because
this is my life. Unconditional love from bloody paws and fart dog. If I don’t
get the bubonic plague the gas attacks from Spencer will eventually kill me.
In the morning, I started to worry about where Eddie may have hidden the mouse.
I HATE the smell of decaying mouse and Spencer LOVES it. I figured I would have
to go on a dead mouse hunt as soon as I got home from taking the kids to school
or Spencer would find it, roll in it and then we would have to bathe him and
that is a whole other blog. But as luck would have it, just after I told my
youngest the story about Eddie and the mouse, and how I was unsure as to the
location of the mouse, she walks into the hallway where she promptly says “Um, I
found the mouse!!!” I said “Oh good! Where?” and she says “Right under my
foot!!!”. So, we change her socks and I call up my oldest to get rid of the
mouse. She comes armed with grocery bags and Clorox clean up. As she is scoping
up the mouse, she is squealing and laughing nervously and gagging which is
making me laugh, gag, and squeal even though I am in the other room.
Having pets is not only a family affair, it is a party every night! What was I
thinking adopting all these animals? I wonder if I will ever sleep through the
night. Maybe I should just surrender and get out the disco ball and start
charging for the Nightly Spencer Party….I could make a fortune!!!