In case you hadn’t heard, I just got a new floor installed in my family room. I
had Berber carpeting, cream Berber carpeting. Between the dogs and the kids, it
became a brownish, smelly Berber carpet. Spencer loves to lay in the creek in
the backyard. It is a very shallow creek, nothing like the one he used to have,
but still, the water flows over his large, farty body and he is happy. When he
decides to come in (which incidentally never coincides with me calling for him)
he is a muddy mess. All four legs and belly. Mud. Most of the time I catch him
and hose him down. But really, is wet clean dog any better than wet dirty dog?
Between Spencer and his mud baths and Emma’s tail that innocently knocks over
any container on the coffee table, the rug stunk. So, I go buy wood laminate
flooring. The cheapest kind they have. I have hardwoods in most of my downstairs
and wood laminate in my fancy living room. Spencer has had some issues with the
laminate in the fancy living room. He slips. His feet can’t get a grip and he
slips and falls and has a hard time getting back up. He is so uncoordinated
anyway, that slipping and falling is like some sort of physical comedy. He
reminds me of John Ritter. Because of his floor problems I have the rugs and
runners strategically placed so that he can get from one room to the other. The
funny thing is, he does just fine on the real hardwoods…it’s just the fakes he
can’t seem to walk normally on.
I think it may be because he is stuck up. Like he is too good for fake floors
so, he makes this huge big deal about walking on them. Like “See, SEE, I can’t
even WALK on this cheap shit!!!! I’m going to break my hip on this lousy wannabe
wood floor and THEN you’ll be sorry” And I have no doubt that is just what will
happen one day.
But I can’t afford anything super nice and I cannot live with the smell from the
carpet. I get the cheapest of the cheap. The fact that it took from May to
November to actually have it installed is a rant for another blog. The Guy
finally shows up. Of course Spencer and Emma go insane they are so excited to
see The Guy. They LOVE The Guy. They just know that The Guy is going to give
them a pat and he’ll even let them hang out with him while he does his Guy stuff
cause all Guys love dogs and vice versa. Oh happy day for our family!!! There’s
a Guy and he’s installing floors!!!!!
Spencer and Em were up The Guy’s butt, following him out to the truck and back
in, tolerating The Guy’s banging and sawing. Emma was over it though when he
started with the nail gun. That was a little too manly for her. Spencer didn’t
move a muscle, total faith in The Guy’s capabilities.The Guy is done and the
floor is finished. Nice. Doesn’t smell, doesn’t look dirty. I am so happy!Emma
comes in and checks out the new space. She gives me a high five. Spencer stands
in the doorway whining. He puts one paw in and barks. Barks at me like it’s all
my fault that he can’t walk normally into the family room. He’s jealous that we
are in here and he isn’t. He’s standing there pouting. And for once Emma is
getting all of the attention.
Two days this went on. I think he thought if he protested hard enough I would
change it back to carpet so that he could walk without looking like it’s his
first time on roller skates. But I’m not giving in. He’s going to have to figure
it out. His solution is to push back and then catapult himself to the scatter
rug. There he lies until he farts, which sends him falling and stomping and
whining out the door. Yesterday, all four legs went out from under him at the
same time and he hit the floor like a belly flop. He gave me The Evil Eye for
that one. I mean, that’s just funny.
It’s just walking! He’s been doing it for years! I guess I could invest in
scooters for the laminate floors.That wouldn’t be the weirdest thing I have done
for this dog. Spencer figured it out though. He licks all his paws before he
attempts to come in. And as a sweet little reminder as to where in the room
Spencer has been are his slimy dogie prints.He needs some non skid socks. How
did he go from an outdoor dog who ate whatever and ran where ever to needing old
lady socks to get around in his own home. I guess he is officially retired.