Spencer Goes To A Party

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He's looking for the cake...

He’s looking for the cake…

If any of you are doubting the truth of my stories of Spencer, I now have
witnesses. I had my annual Holiday/birthday party for the kids. Lots of people,
LOTS of kids and LOTS AND LOTS of food. Spencer was in heaven with the whole
kid/food combination. I warned everyone who came in about Spencer and his
thieving, and Cecelia and her sneak attacks. I told Spencer stories and he laid
there basking in the attention…

Children love Spence. He is huge and smelly and awkward and very funny and he
farts. He’s like a clown dog. And he tolerates little kids trying to ride him or
crawl on him. He loves it. Rub his tummy and he smiles…teeth and all. But all
the while, he is keeping one eye on any dropped or unattended food. He casually
walks by the garbage can and takes a peek, snatches the plate of cake and walks
on into the living room to eat while enjoying the tree and the little kids
playing. Now if he could just get someone to bring him his smoking jacket and
pipe he would be all set sitting regally on the blue velvet sofa. Ass.

As I am standing in the kitchen talking with a friend, behind me Spencer is
unattended in the dining room. And in front of at least 5 other people, Spencer
takes a HUGE wedge of cake off a plate that was on the table and inhaled it. My
friend tried to warn me. She pointed and yelled “DOG!! FOOD!!” and that was all
she could get out before the cake was gone. The other guests were amazed at the
gracefulness. He didn’ knock the plate off the table. They were impressed with
his technique. That’s when he knew he had them all in the palm of his paw. Now
he knew that they would bow down to honor him and treat him with the much lack
respect previously afforded to such a funny fat smelly mutt. And he sashayed
away with attitude…until he took one step on to the laminate flooring and his
entire back end went down. And he kind of crawled/dragged himself to the rug,
hoisted himself up, shook it off and turned left into the family room where he
slid on his belly all the way to the couch. Impressed all the guests. But also
made them feel compassion for this dog who is obviously on his last legs. He’s
like a movie star past his prime but thinking he’s still got it.

Now, after the party I was cleaning up and putting away all the food. I took the
garbage outside, did the dishes, wiped down the counters and let Spence catch
the crumbs. After all, he put on a good show. But I either accidental left the
fridge ajar or Spencer has another cool new trick. When I got up the next
morning, all of my chicken wing dip was gone, half of a cheesecake, carton of
eggnog pierced and spilled all over the floor. All of the Saran wrap that I had
used to cover the food was gone. And I haven’t seen it yet. And I kinda hope I
never do.

So added to the list of Spencer tricks is refrigerator opening. I have to think
he could be a very useful mutt. He could be trained to help people (lazy people
like myself) Work for his meals. But his compulsion is so grand he wouldn’t be
able to get me a snack without eating the entire thing before actually getting
it to me.

I sat him down and explained the state of our economy and how it coincides with
the diet that the vet wants to put him on. See I have no money to buy dog food
and he needs to eat less. Serendipity!!

And for Christmas morning I will give him the gift of my grandmother’s cereal
bowl for his new food portions and he will most likely give me back the Saran
wrap, used twice. We love each other and really think about a thoughtful gift
for the Holiday. And if I am truly as loved as I think I am, he will leave it
right where I will step in it with my bare feet. It’s love, dysfunctional love,
but love none the less.

 

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About sparklingbytheway

I am a single mother to three girls. I live in a very small village and I teach dance in another very small village that is on the oppisite side of the medium sized city. This blog is about my life, past, present and future. My opinions, my thoughts, my ideas. I love to read other people's experience, strength and hope and so now I will share a little bit of my own. I love to laugh and make others laugh. I swear and I can't spell for shit but I never intend to offend!!!

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