Dear Diary, Day 25 Can Bite Me

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This is what I look like when I am not in death defying pain

This is what I look like when I am not in death defying pain

I woke up at 5am in the most intense pain I have ever experienced. That includes labor and birthing three 9 pound + babies.  I told you before that I wake up every morning in pain but this is different. It isn’t a generalized “I feel like crap” pain, it is a “OMG KILL ME NOW” pain. Nerve pain from neck to my left arm. The kind of pain that makes one cry and swear and hate all of humanity. And that is how my day started.

I almost called my 10 year old to come help me get out of bed. But I didn’t know what was actually going to happen once my feet hit the floor. I was pretty sure it was going to involve copious amounts of swear words and possibly some vomit. I decided to let her hang onto her childhood for a few more hours and just do it myself.

I didn’t know how to get up though. I couldn’t lift my upper body without screaming in pain. I couldn’t get my feet to the floor without lifting my upper body. I had nothing to grab on to to try to hoist myself up. So, I literally laid there, sweating, scared out of my mind to move…I finally just distracted myself with judging Elizabeth Vargas and threw myself out of bed while I wasn’t paying attention.

I think I went into shock for a bit while the pain coursed through my body and then I just started sobbing which made everything 1000x worse. I couldn’t take a deep breath because of the pain so I started to hyperventilate. I had to start my Lamaze breathing. I finally reasoned myself out of having a full on breakdown and showered. I contemplated going to the ER but I don’t want to get sick and hospitals are so dirty and filled with sick people.

Instead, I yelled at the kids to get in the car. I had to take my 15 year old to her theater class. We stopped at the bagel shop. Once I ate and took some pain pills I started to feel more human. But the pain was still there. Took the 10 year old to our favorite restaurant, picked up the 15 year old, took her to her babysitting gig, came home, let the dog out for a pee, put him back in the house and took the 10 year old to the movies. Mostly because I didn’t want to come home and try to get comfortable on the couch because I knew there was no comfortable to be had today.

Came home, let the dog out for a pee and have been trying to be grateful that my nerve pain has lessened from the holy shit intensity it was this morning. I guess I should mention here that hanging with my 10 year old is about as Zen as my life gets. I have really chill, sweet, helpful, kind kids. I also have a brand new bottle of pain meds.

To sum up: I am in phenomenal pain. I love my kids. My dog pees alot.

I hate riddles.

I am a great critic of movie theater popcorn.

A bunch of these guys live up the road from me...I love where I live

A bunch of these guys live up the road from me…I love where I live

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About sparklingbytheway

I am a single mother to three girls. I live in a very small village and I teach dance in another very small village that is on the oppisite side of the medium sized city. This blog is about my life, past, present and future. My opinions, my thoughts, my ideas. I love to read other people's experience, strength and hope and so now I will share a little bit of my own. I love to laugh and make others laugh. I swear and I can't spell for shit but I never intend to offend!!!

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