I’m still alive. The snow is falling like my hopes of finding a suitable husband before I retire. I have been locked in this house of cat hair and children for the past 18 hours. No chips, no dip, no massage therapist. It’s the closest to hell that I have ever been. How do people survive like this? Heathens and snowmobilers are the only ones equipped to deal. This might just be the end, my friends…not sure how much longer I can hold on….
I woke up, checked my email, saw that all the schools in all the land were cancelled for today because of snow. Went back to sleep. Woke up again at 10 am. I haven’t slept in past 9am since I was a baby. I got up, feeling like a big ole pile of shitballs, woke up the children and had them walk down to the donut shop to get me breakfast so I didn’t die of feeling like crappola. Bonus : they took the dog with them. And just so y’all don’t think I am the meanest mom in the whole world, the donut shop is about a half a block from our house and it wasn’t really snowing much at 10am. I am only the second meanest mom in the whole world, tops.
The 15 year old asked if her boyfriend could come over and I scanned the livingroom and sighed and said “yessssss”. So, she went to take a shower. I sat there on the couch with the dog, changing my perspective on the cat hair that is so thick on the back of the couch that I could probably convince people it is actually a blanket that I picked up on my travels to the Himalayas. That is my story and I am sticking to it like the cat hair sticks to the throw pillows.
As the kids were going out the front door to run up to our neighbor- who- does- our- plowing-‘s house, he swung into our driveway to plow! My 10 year old went up to his truck with money clenched in her mittened fist and he wouldn’t accept it! It was a freebie today!!! Wow…I love where I live. The kids came back in and were picking up the house in anticipation of the boyfriend arriving when we heard someone shoveling our front walk! It was my other neighbor, my new neighbor! Not only did he shovel out my front walk but he went to town on the ice wall that had built up right in front of the door that makes opening the storm door all the way impossible. I have the best neighbors ever. Later, after more snow blanketed us in cold, white hell, he shoveled AGAIN. My neighbors rule.
The boyfriend came. I immediately had the 15 year old and the boyfriend walk into town to pick up take out from one of my fav restaurants. Having children was the best idea I ever had. The boyfriend is a terrific kid. When the boyfriend comes over I am relegated to my bedroom. We have a small house now and as much as I enjoy the 15 year old and the boyfriend, I do not enjoy the chick flick the 15 year old will inevitably force the boyfriend to watch. He is gracious about such things, I am an asshole about such things. I accept this about myself and go hide in my bedroom leaving them the good tv.
The snow is still piling up. If we survive this snoacolypse I swear I will never again mock winter by wearing my sneakers instead of my boots.
Girls compete with each other.
Women empower one another.
Old ladies measure you for bras at departments stores.