Today I woke up, dropped the kids to school, took the dog to doggie day care and went to get my hair did. Well, let’s back up for a second…I dropped the kids, then the dog, came home and took a shower without washing my hair. I have never done that before in my life. It was the single hardest thing I have ever done. I have a system, a sequence, a defined progression of the daily shower event.
I get in, sing my swearing song because the water is always either scalding hot or lukewarm. Scalding hot can be adjusted but since I am already in the shower I have to sing swear while doing my sing swear dance until the cold water kicks in. If it’s lukewarm , I sing swear because it’s only going to get colder and that sucks worse than anything in the whole wide world. After the water is under control, I wash my hair and condition, do the body, shave the important parts and then rinse the conditioner. Hop out, whip my head forward so I can dry off without it dripping down my back, then wrap my hair in the towel like a turban. Then I put in my contacts,open the door, look both ways and dash naked into my bedroom while saying a prayer that my curtains are closed. Every day is a crap shoot whether or not the neighbors are going to get an eye full.
Today, I wasn’t going to wash my hair because I was headed to the hairdresser. So, duh. I put my hair in a high messy bun, hop in the shower, do my sing swear dance and then stand there because I am truly lost. I have no idea how to shower now that I have taken my hair out of the equation. 41 years old and I didn’t know what to do. It was like my limbs didn’t know how to not grab the shampoo. It took a solid minute for me to think. Minus the hair washing would mean… I would move right on to washing and shaving! The second part of not washing your hair when you take a shower is to not get your hair wet. Because wet, dirty, hair is gross and smelly and nasty. You have no idea how difficult this was for me. But I persevered and I felt like I was one off all day long.
I got to the salon really excited because I’m a girl who likes to do girly stuff that makes me feel pretty. And I was looking really rough and very confused. I’m serious, the shower thing messed me the hell up. I have been contemplating my forehead alot lately. It’s big on a good day and on a bad day I am pretty sure I should be selling ad space on it. I told my most wonderfully talented hair guru that I needed to do something to make the forehead issue go away. BANGS! Swoopy bangs!!!! I have had bangs on and off all of my life but I haven’t really gone for it since I have been 40…
I walked out 2 hours later, with my bangs swoopin feeling like a million dollars (if million dollars had BANGS). I had the best parking space literally right in front of the door and I did not get a parking ticket! This is turning into one helluva day!!! I went to pick up the dog from doggie day care. He LOVED my bangs! I picked my children up from school, they LOVED my bangs. I went to work, the kids LOVED my bangs.
I love Tell Me More as much as I HATE Here and Now (NPR. Don’t be lazy… Google it.)
I am cheating on David Letterman with Jimmy Kimmel but I really want to be with Jimmy Fallon. If you can’t be with the Jimmy you want honey, love the Jimmy you got.