Dear Diary It’s Bangs Day!

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Even tho things have my name on them doesn't mean they are mine. That's what the cop said anyway

Even tho things have my name on them doesn’t mean they are mine. That’s what the cop said anyway

Today I woke up, dropped the kids to school, took the dog to doggie day care and went to get my hair did. Well, let’s back up for a second…I dropped the kids, then the dog, came home and took a shower without washing my hair. I have never done that before in my life. It was the single hardest thing I have ever done. I have a system, a sequence, a defined progression of the daily shower event.

I get in, sing my swearing song because the water is always either scalding hot or lukewarm. Scalding hot can be adjusted but since I am already in the shower I have to sing swear while doing my sing swear dance until the cold water kicks in. If it’s lukewarm , I sing swear because it’s only going to get colder and that sucks worse than anything in the whole wide world. After the water is under control, I wash my hair and condition, do the body, shave the important parts and then rinse the conditioner. Hop out, whip my head forward so I can dry off without it dripping down my back, then wrap my hair in the towel like a turban. Then I put in my contacts,open the door, look both ways and dash naked into my bedroom while saying a prayer that my curtains are closed. Every day is a crap shoot whether or not the neighbors are going to get an eye full.

Today, I wasn’t going to wash my hair because I was headed to the hairdresser. So, duh. I put my hair in a high messy bun, hop in the shower, do my sing swear dance and then stand there because I am truly lost. I have no idea how to shower now that I have taken my hair out of the equation. 41 years old and I didn’t know what to do. It was like my limbs didn’t know how to not grab the shampoo. It took a solid minute for me to think. Minus the hair washing would mean… I would move right on to washing and shaving! The second part of not washing your hair when you take a shower is to not get your hair wet. Because wet, dirty, hair is gross and smelly and nasty. You have no idea how difficult this was for me. But I persevered and I felt like I was one off all day long.

I got to the salon really excited because I’m a girl who likes to do girly stuff that makes me feel pretty. And I was looking really rough and very confused. I’m serious, the shower thing messed me the hell up. I have been contemplating my forehead alot lately. It’s big on a good day and on a bad day I am pretty sure I should be selling ad space on it. I told my most wonderfully talented hair guru that I needed to do something to make the forehead issue go away. BANGS! Swoopy bangs!!!! I have had bangs on and off all of my life but I haven’t really gone for it since I have been 40…

I walked out 2 hours later, with my bangs swoopin feeling like a million dollars (if  million dollars had BANGS). I had the best parking space literally right in front of the door and I did not get a parking ticket! This is turning into one helluva day!!! I went to pick up the dog from doggie day care. He LOVED my bangs! I picked my children up from school, they LOVED my bangs. I went to work, the kids LOVED my bangs.

I love Tell Me More as much as I HATE Here and Now (NPR. Don’t be lazy… Google it.)

I am cheating on David Letterman with Jimmy Kimmel but I really want to be with Jimmy Fallon. If you can’t be with the Jimmy you want honey, love the Jimmy you got.

And I wonder why I turned out the way I did. Hobos and Hookers roaming the house....

And I wonder why I turned out the way I did. Hobos and Hookers roaming the house….

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