Tag Archives: annoying

Dear Diary, Day of LUV

Back when I was a kid we had to wear ski masks and smoke cigars...

Back when I was a kid we had to wear ski masks and smoke cigars…

It’s freakin Valentimes Day. Yea. I actually like Valentine’s Day alot. It’s a great excuse to use glitter. I was all set for a lovely VDay date while the kids were at school but then…..snow day. Normally, I LOOOOVE snow days. And this is a snow day before a week long mid winter break which is the best. Except that now I have to cancel my date because I have a house full of kids. Actually, I only have one kid at the moment because the other kid got stuck at her babysitting gig overnight as the roads were so bad. No love for me.

Except from the kid. She walked to the store to get me a bagel and tea. In a snow storm! She loves me.

Poor dog. I shoved him thru a crack in the front door so he could pee. He sunk as he was peeing and really could barely move. I was laughing so hard I almost peed. It was like quicksand. And he looked so confused. Like he lost his legs. Pooping was equally hysterical. Not sure where his poop went, he turned in circles looking for it for a good 5 minutes. Sticking his snout into the snow and snorting.  I had to drag him back in thru the crack in the door because I couldn’t fit thru the crack to pick him up. He tumbled back into the house like a puppy snowball. And all I could do was stand there and laugh. Until I saw that he had a poop ball stuck to his foot. Then I screamed and chased him around the livingroom. Which led to me cleaning up the trail of poop prints all over the carpet. It’s like it’s Valentine’s Day or something….

I was sitting here stressing about the plow guy. I didn’t contact him and we literally have at least 3 feet of snow. There is no way on God’s green earth that I am shoveling. It’s the principle of the thing really. I told the kid to go up to the snow plow guy’s house and ask and she said the driveway is plowed…Wow. I just thought about needing the plow guy and BLAM! driveway plowed!!! Nice. Now I am thinking about needing someone to hook up my dryer…I’ll let you know if that works out for me.

Now it is noon. I have been texting all morning with my bff and exchanging really bad pics of ourselves. Hers because she is working out, mine because I am not working out.

I am sure the only reason my dozen long stem red roses haven’t been delivered is because of the storm. And probably because I forgot to order them….

Munchos and Pop Tarts are the only thing in my pantry currently. I am not a college student or a pot head so that is weird.

This reindeer is flipping me off isn't he?

This reindeer is flipping me off isn’t he?



SURPRISE Dear Diary!

See the sparkle on her head? That's not her halo, that's her awesome locally made crown.

See the sparkle on her head? That’s not her halo, that’s her awesome locally made crown.

Last night I went to a surprise party for one of my best friends. I met this guy years ago when our kids were in nursery school. I didn’t really know him too well, I knew his wife and I loved her. She was a RIOT! She made every field trip fun. After she passed away, my friend and his son moved in a few houses down from me. Since that time he has stepped seamlessly into the role of older brother to me and uncle to my children. He’s a real good guy. AND he has the only inground pool in the neighborhood. So, yeah, he rocks.

The party was excellent. I got to hang out with all of our friends from the neighborhood and his honey’s family. I really like his honey. She’s a good gal. Makes sense. For his gift, my kids and I thought of all sorts of things he will need as now he is OLD. We gave him a gift bag filled with ear plugs, ginko biloba, reading glasses, denture cleaner, prunes, and a bunch of other old people stuff…I labeled each thing with a tag explaining why he needed it. The funniest part was listening to him read the explanations.

After the party I came home, let the dog out to pee, patted myself on the back for not getting spaghetti sauce on my white shirt and worked on a present for my other best friend. I didn’t literally pat myself on the back because my neck/shoulder/nerve issue is ongoing. Yeah, thanks for asking. So, I wanted to get her a spa day package but  then I remembered I am poor. So, I thought a  singing telegram would be wicked fun! But I am a really bad singer and I don’t know anything about telegrams or Morse Code or knitting or football. Flowers? It’s February so there are none. How about…a sash, a crown and a box of matches???? Perf!!!! So, I cut up a bunch of paper, duct taped that shit together, added some stickers and BLAM! Birthday Girl sash!! But she would need a crown…a crown…ofcourse I know I have a crown or two somewhere in this house. I have 3 daughters. It’s sort of a law that girls need a crown/tiara in their possession at all times. My bff has all boys so, she needed a crown. Lucky for her, I know how to make one out of pipe cleaners. Even luckier, I had sparkly pipe cleaners!

So, this morning I woke up, showered, and the dog and I went to the bagel shop, Starbucks and then to the market where my bestie sells her incredible soy candles (wittywicks.com <— check it out). I walked in and taped her sash on her, stuck her crown on her head and we laughed and laughed. She is such a good sport. I love her so.

I left, came home, cleaned a bit, then went shopping. I went to the movies, I got a pedicure and then I had a lovely dinner with another friend. Now I am tired so the dog and I are snuggled on the couch in anticipation of the Stupid Bowl tomorrow!!! The best part of tomorrow will be the party that our friends throw every year. PLUS it’s Groundhog Day!!! Tomorrow is going to be EPIC! This has been a fantastic weekend despite my neck/shoulder/nerve pain (you really don’t care do you?).

There is one store I go to whenever I go to the mall. It sells purses and such. Every time I go in the saleslady greets me. I say hello back and proceed to check out the merchandise. When I stop to take a closer look at a pocketbook I might like, she swoops in and tries to sell it to me. I get so annoyed that I just leave. Just because I check a price doesn’t mean I need a tutorial on how this particular handbag was one price but is now another price. One time I picked up a bag just to see the other side, she came running over, talked it up and then took it to the register to check the price. I didn’t say one word. She just assumed because I picked it up that I wanted to buy it. I didn’t. So, I keep trying to shop there but I get so irritated with the help that I just leave. Today I wanted to tell the saleslady to step off and let me breathe. She is such a turnoff really. I wish someone would kidnap her and tie her up in the back room so I could just purse shop in peace.

I am an expert in making bad decisions.

Going into Pier One is like going into a bar I used to hang out at but stopped when I quit drinking.

 Lesson #1: when attending a surprise party and the guest of honor is arriving everyone should crouch awkwardly in the middle of the room.

Lesson #1: when attending a surprise party and the guest of honor is arriving everyone should crouch awkwardly in the middle of the room.