Tag Archives: birthday

Dear Diary, 8 Things About Turning 42…And 8 More….Then 8 More…


turning 421) 42 is pretty respectable.

2) I feel more into being in my 40’s now than I did yesterday when I was only 41

3) I think I gave up

4) I no longer call it “giving up” I call it “maturing”

5) Peri-menopause is a bitch

6) Memories from childhood that I thought would always be able to be recalled are just gone

7) Waking up early is no longer an issue

8) I have peed my pants more since being in my 40’s than I ever did when I was potty training

And since I can only count to 8, here’s 8 more

1) My grey hairs are still pretty novel

2) Being the “cool mom” is no longer a thought in my head

3) My gallbladder hurts if I eat fast food

4) Putting on jeans constitutes a Special Occasion

5) I found a Basic Bitch hairstyle and I am rockin it.

6) I stopped worrying about boys and now only worry about 401k’s and Restless Leg Syndrome

7) I am watching my mother turn into my grandma and I see me turning into my mom and I think it is fascinating

8) Things that would have sent me into a panic attack when I was 37 don’t even phase me now…like dog puke, a dirty dish in with the clean dishes, dropping a wash cloth I am using on the floor of the tub…

The last 8 things are

1) I have learned that nothing lasts forever and that is a very good thing

2) That I am still being taken care of and I am only ever alone as I want to be

3) That material things really don’t matter to me even though I tried to make them matter for many many many years

4) I feel like myself again

5) Car exhaust and cigarette smoke piss me off to the extreme

6)  I feel flaky most of the time, like my brain is fuzzy and I wonder if that is a serious problem but then it doesn’t seem to matter much

7) I forget pretty much every single stitch of drama so I can’t hold a grudge anymore.

8) 42 is a good number, it’s going to be a great age and I’m happy I made it this far!

That’s my list of things….think HuffPo will want it? Then Terry Gross could interview me about my super freaktastic blog and then my life would be relatively complete…

Happy Birthday Jesus and Me and Roy…pretty cool how we were all born on the same day and all have connections to theater…

Ok, good night…and if anyone sees my birth mom tell her 42 is going great!!!!

Christmas Eve PJs and the Flu...we/like /to party...we like to party...

Christmas Eve PJs and the Flu…we/like /to party…we like to party…

Dear Diary, Good Mom Day

When I was 17...seriously looks like a scene from a John Huges film

When I was 17…seriously looks like a scene from a John Huges film

Let’s see, today I got up, dropped the kids to school, went for my re-check mammogram. All’s well with the boobage. Then I went shopping for my 10-almost-11 year old’s birthday tomorrow. Of course this sent me into a total flashback of the day she was born, how my water broke (that didn’t happen with the first two), how cold it was (coldest February on record…at least by my record), how ready I felt (because I had done this twice before and I sort of knew what to expect)…

But then, I was distracted by the director of the NIH on The Diane Rehm Show who was singing a song about how we all need to get together and fight disease. Yep. A whole song. And he played guitar too. And at the end of the song, Diane gave a real loud “WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!” At which point I cracked up and turned to my left to see the guy next to me also cracking up! He rolled down his window so I rolled down mine and he said “Did you just hear that?!?” And I said “YES!! The best was Diane’s reaction!!!” And he said “WOOOOOOO!!!!” And we laughed, rolled up our windows, and went on our way.

I shopped and came home, took the dog out for a pee and then he and I wrapped all of the presents. I went to get the kids from school, and took them to my dad’s fav restaurant for dinner. I have become addicted to the Pan-seared & oven roasted Beef Tenderloin topped with a gorgonzola-bacon compound butter & port wine reduction. I could eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I could put it in a blender and drink it. It is so good. One of my former students works there and was our server. She was also our babysitter for a few years so it was awesome to see her.  Then we came home and the birthday girl opened all of her presents because I will be at work tomorrow for her actual birthday. She got allota good stuff. A special sweatshirt from her special Papa from Florida was definitely her favorite. 

Then, we made cupcakes for her to take to school tomorrow with her brand new professional Cake Boss cupcake making accessories….they are edible and SHE thinks they look good and that is all that matters. And we had fun doing it. But when I cook, I make a mess. Messes are no fun. They make me cranky.

So then, I took my 15 year old to the presentation about Honors/AP courses for her for next year. This is exciting stuff. This kid is way into school. Always has been. She is the one who would come home from nursery school, sit ME down and show me everything she did at school that day. Every day. My oldest never did that and my youngest would come home and go shut herself in her room for about 20 minutes and then she would come out and be ready to talk. I’m very proud of my 15 year old. She is smart and funny and kind and beautiful. But if you make me sit through a high school presentation about course work, Regents diplomas and credits, I am going to either try to get some laughs or I am going to fall asleep. I hate school. So, I kept leaning over making random comments to my kid and my friend. When one of the counselors was saying that there is a college fit for everyone, that not everyone needs to shoot for Yale I leaned over to my kid and said “She’s drunk. You aim for Harvard. I expect no less” and we laughed and laughed…and the principle gave us a dirty look. Then, the foreign  language teacher gave her spiel and said that there is independent study for families who might speak a foreign language in their home and that is another way to fulfill the credit requirement. I leaned over to my friend and said “So, you can teach the kids how to speak Canadian!!!” Language credit, check!

We came home and frosted more cupcakes. And now I am ready for bed.

I’m on the third book of the Divergent series and I am still totally and completely lost. But absolutely enthralled.

Hotels and hospitals are wicked nasty gross.

Lady Gaga. Attitude included...

Lady Gaga. Attitude included…


SURPRISE Dear Diary!

See the sparkle on her head? That's not her halo, that's her awesome locally made crown.

See the sparkle on her head? That’s not her halo, that’s her awesome locally made crown.

Last night I went to a surprise party for one of my best friends. I met this guy years ago when our kids were in nursery school. I didn’t really know him too well, I knew his wife and I loved her. She was a RIOT! She made every field trip fun. After she passed away, my friend and his son moved in a few houses down from me. Since that time he has stepped seamlessly into the role of older brother to me and uncle to my children. He’s a real good guy. AND he has the only inground pool in the neighborhood. So, yeah, he rocks.

The party was excellent. I got to hang out with all of our friends from the neighborhood and his honey’s family. I really like his honey. She’s a good gal. Makes sense. For his gift, my kids and I thought of all sorts of things he will need as now he is OLD. We gave him a gift bag filled with ear plugs, ginko biloba, reading glasses, denture cleaner, prunes, and a bunch of other old people stuff…I labeled each thing with a tag explaining why he needed it. The funniest part was listening to him read the explanations.

After the party I came home, let the dog out to pee, patted myself on the back for not getting spaghetti sauce on my white shirt and worked on a present for my other best friend. I didn’t literally pat myself on the back because my neck/shoulder/nerve issue is ongoing. Yeah, thanks for asking. So, I wanted to get her a spa day package but  then I remembered I am poor. So, I thought a  singing telegram would be wicked fun! But I am a really bad singer and I don’t know anything about telegrams or Morse Code or knitting or football. Flowers? It’s February so there are none. How about…a sash, a crown and a box of matches???? Perf!!!! So, I cut up a bunch of paper, duct taped that shit together, added some stickers and BLAM! Birthday Girl sash!! But she would need a crown…a crown…ofcourse I know I have a crown or two somewhere in this house. I have 3 daughters. It’s sort of a law that girls need a crown/tiara in their possession at all times. My bff has all boys so, she needed a crown. Lucky for her, I know how to make one out of pipe cleaners. Even luckier, I had sparkly pipe cleaners!

So, this morning I woke up, showered, and the dog and I went to the bagel shop, Starbucks and then to the market where my bestie sells her incredible soy candles (wittywicks.com <— check it out). I walked in and taped her sash on her, stuck her crown on her head and we laughed and laughed. She is such a good sport. I love her so.

I left, came home, cleaned a bit, then went shopping. I went to the movies, I got a pedicure and then I had a lovely dinner with another friend. Now I am tired so the dog and I are snuggled on the couch in anticipation of the Stupid Bowl tomorrow!!! The best part of tomorrow will be the party that our friends throw every year. PLUS it’s Groundhog Day!!! Tomorrow is going to be EPIC! This has been a fantastic weekend despite my neck/shoulder/nerve pain (you really don’t care do you?).

There is one store I go to whenever I go to the mall. It sells purses and such. Every time I go in the saleslady greets me. I say hello back and proceed to check out the merchandise. When I stop to take a closer look at a pocketbook I might like, she swoops in and tries to sell it to me. I get so annoyed that I just leave. Just because I check a price doesn’t mean I need a tutorial on how this particular handbag was one price but is now another price. One time I picked up a bag just to see the other side, she came running over, talked it up and then took it to the register to check the price. I didn’t say one word. She just assumed because I picked it up that I wanted to buy it. I didn’t. So, I keep trying to shop there but I get so irritated with the help that I just leave. Today I wanted to tell the saleslady to step off and let me breathe. She is such a turnoff really. I wish someone would kidnap her and tie her up in the back room so I could just purse shop in peace.

I am an expert in making bad decisions.

Going into Pier One is like going into a bar I used to hang out at but stopped when I quit drinking.

 Lesson #1: when attending a surprise party and the guest of honor is arriving everyone should crouch awkwardly in the middle of the room.

Lesson #1: when attending a surprise party and the guest of honor is arriving everyone should crouch awkwardly in the middle of the room.


Spencer Goes To A Birthday Party


Spencer Goes To A Birthday Party

He’s looking for the cake…

If any of you are doubting the truth of my stories of Spencer, I now have witnesses. I had my annual Holiday/birthday party for the kids. Lots of people, LOTS of kids and LOTS AND LOTS of food. Spencer was in heaven with the whole kid/food combination. I warned everyone who came in about Spencer and his thieving, and Cecelia and her sneak attacks. I told Spencer stories and he layed there basking in the attention…

Children love Spence. He is huge and smelly and awkward and very funny and he farts. He’s like a clown dog. And he tolerates little kids trying to ride him or crawl on him. He loves it. Rub his tummy and he smiles…teeth and all. But all the while, he is keeping one eye on any dropped or unattended food. He casually walks by the garbage can and takes a peek, snatches the plate of cake and walks on into the living room to eat while enjoying the tree and the little kids playing. Now if he could just get someone to bring him his smoking jacket and pipe he would be all set sitting regally on the blue velvet sofa. Ass.

As I am standing in the kitchen talking with a friend, behind me Spencer is unattended in the dining room. And in front of at least 5 other people, Spencer takes a HUGE wedge of cake off a plate that was on the table and inhaled it. My friend tried to warn me. She pointed and yelled “DOG!! FOOD!!” and that was all she could get out before the cake was gone. The other guests were amazed at the gracefulness. He didn’ knock the plate off the table. They were impressed with his technique. That’s when he knew he had them all in the palm of his paw. Now he knew that they would bow down to honor him and treat him with the much lack respect previously afforded to such a funny fat smelly mutt. And he sashayed away with attitude…until he took one step on to the laminate flooring and his entire back end went down. And he kind of crawled/dragged himself to the rug, hoisted himself up, shook it off and turned left into the family room where he slid on his belly all the way to the couch. Impressed all the guests. But also made them feel compassion for this dog who is obviously on his last legs. He’s like a movie star past his prime but thinking he’s still got it.

Now, after the party I was cleaning up and putting away all the food. I took the garbage outside, did the dishes, wiped down the counters and let Spence catch the crumbs. After all, he put on a good show. But I either accidental left the fridge ajar or Spencer has another cool new trick. When I got up the next morning, all of my chicken wing dip was gone, half of a cheesecake, carton of eggnog pierced and spilled all over the floor. All of the saran wrap that I had used to cover the food was gone. And I haven’t seen it yet. And I kinda hope I never do.

So added to the list of Spencer tricks is refrigerator opening. I have to think he could be a very useful mutt. He could be trained to help people (lazy people like myself) Work for his meals. But his compulsion is so grand he wouldn’t be able to get me a snack without eating the entire thing before actually getting it to me.

I sat him down and explained the state of our economy and how it coincides with the diet that the vet wants to put him on. See I have no money to buy dog food and he needs to eat less. Serendipity!!

And for Christmas morning I will give him the gift of my grandmother’s cereal bowl for his new food portions and he will most likely give me back the saran wrap, used twice. We love each other and really think about a thoughtful gift for the Holiday. And if I am truly as loved as I think I am, he will leave it right where I will step in it with my bare feet. It’s love, dysfunctional love, but love none the less.