Tag Archives: clothes

Dear Diary, Day What Not To Wear

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This was a few years ago. Because nothing says birth of Christ like matching footies and jazz hands

This was a few years ago. Because nothing says birth of Christ like matching footies and jazz hands

This has been a week from hell. In fact, it has been so completely wrong I am writing a novel about it because if I tried to write it out here, on this blog, no one would believe me. Because things like this just don’t happen to “people like me”. Which is really very funny. And not at all true. If you are one of those people who reads my stuff and thinks “Oh how droll…well, THAT would NEVER happen to ME!!!” Rest assured that it will happen to you. Maybe it hasn’t, maybe it isn’t, but it most definitely will. There but for the grace of God go you.

Anyway, that’s enough of the curses and voodoo dolls for now. You have been warned.

So, what does one wear when confronting truths they would rather not confront? To deep for you? A little too vague? It’s ok. One wears black stretch pants (the kids yell at me when I call them stretch pants. I guess they are now called leggins?) , puddle jumpers that are two sizes too big (so they make a *clurump clurump* noise when I walk) , a long sleeve teeshirt that sticks out the bottom of a sweatshirt with the neck cut out (a la Flashdance), a scarf and a long, sliver winter coat with sliver fake fur around the hood (circa 2004). OH! And ofcourse unbrushed hair thrown into a high messy bun. Unbrushed for 3 days. This is the uniform for dealing with unexpected life crisis-es.

Let me interrupt here and address a comment I received from a friend. It was bothering him that I misspell  the word :alot…alot. I actually do it intentionally because of my emotional immaturity which i explained to him (let’s all heave a collective sigh of sadness for me and my issues……………..thank you) But it’s more than that. I really believe that saying  “a lot” doesn’t get across my point as well as saying “alot” When I am speaking I do not say “I have a lot of really bad habits” I say “I have ALOT of really bad habits” Sometimes I say outloud “I have AAAAAAAAALOT of really bad habits.” To be clear, I don’t have alot or even a lot of really bad habits. I don’t believe in bad habits so it’s hard to have them. Also, ofcourse should be one word and teeshirt. So, there ya go. A lot is where boys from 1940 play stickball and alot is when there is shit going on and you are overwhelmed because it is ALOT of shit.

Tuesday happened and I wore a slightly better mom costume. I was wearing my skinny jeans. NOT because I am skinny. I am not. I am actually at my heaviest but I only know that because I went to the dr for my neck/shoulder/nerve pain and they weighed me. Bet you forgot about my outrageous pain didn’t you. *sigh* I wish you cared about me more….Where was I? Oh yes, skinny jeans because they go into my zip up knee high boots without causing me to look like I have kankles. I also had on a waist length sweater that is sort of the color of depression…it makes my eyes look soooo pretty. And the damn silver coat again.

Wednesday I stayed in my PJs all day until work so that doesn’t count. Thursday I showered and got dressed in sweats and a men’s florescent orange thermal long sleeve shirt with a men’s 2x sweatshirt over it and my keds. Because fuck you winter. I was in my car , driving (not just sitting in my car….THAT would be weird) from 8am until about 2:30. I came home and had  just enough time to get glitter in my eye and up my nose and change into my work clothes.

That brings us to today. The ensem for today is the same as Wednesday minus the shower and plus copious amounts of dog hair.

I did call the neck/shoulder/nerve Dr but they won’t see me until February and they called me a drug addict because I told them the pills the my regualr dr prescribe are doing nothing so I stopped taking them,,,,yeah makes sense to me too… so who knows if I will even keep the appointment. I also got my taxes done! Taxes make me feel like the rest of you. Taxes and death right peeps?

I whistle the intro music to my soap opera every day and I do it really really well.

I get very annoyed when it is sunny in the wintertime.

Anyone want to buy this picture? It's real purty and perf for over your couch...ooooooo you know you want it.

Anyone want to buy this picture? It’s real purty and perf for over your couch…ooooooo you know you want it.

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Dear Diary…Day Two

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This is Eddie. He is contemplating why anyone would willing get out of bed...ever.

This is Eddie. He is contemplating why anyone would willing get out of bed…ever.

Well, look at me!!! Here it is day TWO and I am writing again! I am mildly impressed with myself. Mostly because I know me and I was really unsure that this was going to be happening!

Ok, today the kids went back to school after ALMOST two whole weeks off. Almost two whole weeks but two days short (because school is dumb). Last night the weather was getting a bit snotty. The weathermen were doing their predicting and we were sleeping with our PJs inside out, had our undies in the freezer and  we went outside, spun 3 times while singing the alphabet backwards. Ok, we didn’t do any of that. But, maybe if we had, they would have had a snow day today. They didn’t.But the school district I work in did and so did the school district where I grew up. Both of THOSE districts NEVER close. But they did today!!! Unfortunately, no one told my neighbor who works in the high school I went to as a kid and he drove himself all the way to work…on a SNOW DAY! Poor guy.

Up at the asscrack of dawn to get these kids awake and functioning. Off to school they go.

I almost died twice getting them to school. And some dink of a teenager also came close to death, although I am sure he doesn’t even know it because he had his hoodie up and just kept walking while I slid within inches of his Timberlands. Teenagers are sort of dumb. I say that because I was a teenager and I was plenty dumb. I guess I am just shocked they haven’t gotten any smarter in the years since.

Went to the bagel shop with my dog. Went in and the little old lady who is there every other day was there and said the same thing she says every time “Oh!!! Your little doggie loves you so!!!” and my standard reply “He’s a good boy”. My life, as you will soon recognise, is like Groundhogs Day. And I’m ok with that. Went to Starbucks for my iced green tea. I wish I could drink hot liquids as it was a chilly 10 degrees this morning but, I can’t. I walked in, no line, didn’t have to speak and my order was ready. Got back in the car with my dog and drove 20 mph home. The roads were nasty.

Cleaned the kid’s rooms, did the laundry, smashed my head on the cellar door so hard I saw stars…ya know, just for something fun to do.

Went to the bank. The teller was my old friend, she gave the dog a bisquet. Went to the next bank. The teller was not my old friend. Dog did not get a bisquet. He was very confused. Came home. Sat down for about a half an hour. Went to get the kids from school.

Collected the children. Went to the laundromat to dry all of the wet clothes as we do not, as of yet, have a dryer hooked up…I say “as of yet” because it makes it sound like we will have one hooked up shortly. We won’t, but it sounds like we will.

Made the kids run into the grocery as I hadn’t showered yet. I sat in the car and texted them what we needed for dinner. After about the 4th text, my 15 year old asked if we could just get McDonald’s. As tempting as that sounded I said no. I got alot of ugly stares as I was parked in the fire lane. Oh well, to bad so sad. I got here first. And I know a fireman so I am pretty sure it’s ok.

They came out. We went home.

I started dinner. My 10 year old took the dog out for a pee and switched the dishes (from the dishwasher to the cupboards, from the sink to the dishwasher) My 15 year old shoveled out the end of the driveway where the village plows had plowed us in. She did it with a smile on her face. A fifteen year old smile. Have you seen that sort of smile? It looks exactly like an adult’s I-Hate-My-Life-And-Wish-Everyone-Would-Drop-Dead smile but in a 15 year old way.

The 15 year old and I went to gather the dry laundry at the laundromat and bring it up to my room where I sorted it into our rooms and put away my 10 year old’s. I left the 15 year old’s in the basket in her room. So that she can throw it all over her floor and mix it up with some damp towels and dog hair so they all smell funny. I guess that is the new fad?

We ate dinner. Stuffed pork chops, green beans and garlic mashed potatoes. All the 10 year old ate was the green beans, all I ate was the stuffing and the 15 year old finished off the potatoes. I don’t know why I even bother.

It’s dropping to below zero tonight. The governor has declared a state of emergency or something and is shutting down all the highways as of midnight. I guess this is a bad storm. I didn’t have to go to work tonight because the weather is so bad. I love a snow day! I told the kids they will more than likely not have school tomorrow. The 10 year old did a happy dance. The 15 year old gave me her “smile”.

Nothing else planned for tonight except giving each other mani pedi’s and yelling at the dog to leave the cat alone.

I know all the words to the Humpty Dance.

The Uncle from Fresh Prince of Bel Air died.

Maybe I will see you tomorrow!!!!

The 14 year old smile(before she was 15. Now she has it mastered)...and the 10 year old's creepy smile...

The 14 year old smile(before she was 15. Now she has it mastered)…and the 10 year old’s creepy smile…