Tag Archives: fun

Dear Diary, In Conclusion….

That's alotta people just standing under that No Standing sign. NYC Broadway types are the epitome of anarchy.

That’s alotta people just standing under that No Standing sign. NYC Broadway types are the epitome of anarchy.

So, we didn’t get back to the hotel until well after 2:30am and that is past my bedtime, by like, alot. I did shower before I got into bed though and here is why : NYC is grosser than gross. Or maybe I am grosser than gross when I am in NYC…that is a possibility. I walk fast and sweat. I do not understand these people who are wearing scarves and long sleeves in the summer, in the city, in the summer, in the city (It’s a song ya know?). Plus, I had three pairs of shoes in my purse, all had been worn at some point during the day. Add to that a bra wet with sweat and smelly socks. It’s a long story, but trust me when I say that there was no avoiding touching the bottom of shoes that had been worn all over Manhattan.

Here is how our day went : We got up, found a bagel shop and a Starbucks and the train station. Now, we parked in this very, very , very old parking lot that happened to be about 5 blocks from the actual station. To park in this lot you had to fold up 15 dollars very small and shove them through a slot on a board. Yes you did! We stood there for a bit with another couple debating the pros and cons of how we thought the contraption worked. Finally, a criminal came over and informed us that yes indeed the situation was what it looked to be. So, the other couple stuffed their money in, we stuffed ours in and then we walked. I have no idea why the hell we had to park 5 blocks away from the station. Down a long, dark alley, under an overpass with broken glass scattered all over the sidewalk and then along a fence with razor wire at the top…it’s VACATION!!!!!!!!!

Got to the station and hopped right on the train! Sat down and immediately realized I was having a gallbladder attack! So, that was 2 hours of making a plan on what to do if I needed help and googling gallbladder attack remedies. Got off the train, went to a couple of flea markets, then to the movies. The kids were dying to see some cheezebag movie that had just come out and I knew the bathrooms at the movie place would be nice enough to change into our evening clothes. Met a lovely older lady and had a great discussion about the movie. Charged my phone, changed our clothes, took my 15 year old to the Broadway show she had tickets for. Her friend met her there. My 11 year old and I hopped back on the subway, and went to Ninja Restaurant. That was SO. MUCH. FUN!!!! Jumped on the subway, met my 15 year old and her friend at the stage door and got autographs and pics with the stars of the show!

Parted ways with her friend, jumped on S to get to Grand Central to catch the train back to New Haven. That sounds like an easy thing but if you read this you will understand that nothing is easy. We were exhausted.  And I had to pee. So, the train leaves the platform and I head to the bathroom. I check before I squat that there is tp. There is NO tp. I pull myself together and go back to our seat. I rummage through my purse (touching dirty shoes and sweaty bras) looking for a tissue or napkin. Nada. How is it possible that I have been a mom for 20 years and I don’t have a crumpled up tissue in the bottom of my purse? Oh that’s right…I skipped my Mommy Club dues to be able to afford this frickin trip. My only option? A smelly sock. I decided to check the bathroom two cars down. Same sitch. But, I noticed this pull down table thingy next to the toilet and just in case it was a secret tp stash, I pulled it down…It wasn’t. It was a place to put potato chip bags filled with vomit. And as I closed it back up, I got a strong whiff of someone’s vomit along with a splash that landed on my thumb. Now, I have to pee, no toilet paper, stranger puke on my thumb and all I have is a sock. That about sums up my life. Listen, I did what I had to do. You have no idea what it’s like living on the edge…Let’s all just be impressed with my resourcefulness and leave it at that, OK?

We hopped off the train, hopped in a cab (because there is NO WAY I was going to spend money on a better motel in a better area and then get killed on the way to my car. THAT would be such a  waste!!!!) jumped in our car, locked the doors and drove back to the motel. Stumbled into our room, the kids fell on the bed and were out before I could say goodnight. I immediately showered HOT to rid myself of the memory of chip bag vomit and socks…

Crawled into bed and was out.

It was a wonderful day. We met alot of people. Most of them were asking me for directions. Which I gave out like I knew what I was talking about. Because people are just looking to have an adventure, they don’t really want to know how to get there! Today we got up, found our bagel and Starbucks and hit the road for home. But on the way home is the Basketball Hall Of Fame. So, we had to stop…took the tour, played the games, had a blast! They have a Cold Stone Creamery and so, we had a treat. THEN we were on our way home. Over all it was an epic vacation, but every vacation we take is epic in some way.

And now I know what happens to the “missing” sock….

That's my FAV guy right there!!!! So close I could throw a sock at him!!! Good thing I didn't as it came in real handy a little bit later!

That’s my FAV guy right there!!!! So close I could throw a sock at him!!! Good thing I didn’t as it came in real handy a little bit later!

Dear Diary, It’s Been Awhile…

My mom was in a biker gang when she was young. She is still pretty bad ass.

My mom was in a biker gang when she was young. She is still pretty bad ass.

So…how’s it going? Me? Not much is new here. We had Easter. That was nice. I like Easter. I used to dress up the kids in identical dresses every year which was challenging as they are 4 years apart. When my oldest was 11, she started rolling her eyes when I would come home with the matching dresses. My dad actually put his arm around her shoulder on the last Easter he was alive and said “Really, I think it’s time you stopped forcing them to dress alike…they aren’t triplets, they aren’t going to be triplets. Just because they are sisters doesn’t mean they need to match on major holidays.”  And then he died. Well, not right at that moment…that would have been REALLY traumatic and maybe if that had happened I would have taken his words to heart. Instead, I continue to find matching outfits. But not matching exactly. For Christmas, we all wore knit dresses in solid colors. For Easter, we all wore dresses with crochet overlay…yes, I said WE…I have included myself in the dress alike nonsense since I have become single. Judge not lest ye be judged…

We saw some movies. We cleaned the basement. We are painting my youngest kid’s bedroom. It is spring break here.

That’s all.


This is what we do while waiting for church to start...reverence..we got it.

This is what we do while waiting for church to start…reverence..we got it.

Dear Diary, Day of Well, You Decide

I can take all the pictures I want but if my car wants to hide, I'm not going to be able to find it.

I can take all the pictures I want but if my car wants to hide, I’m not going to be able to find it.

Yesterday I had a date. We decided to meet on The Hill. Our local University area. I haven’t been on The Hill in many, many years. I did my teenage angst on The Hill. So many friends from back then are just gone to the abyss that is my memory. A few died and quite a few are still here, like in this world, not here at my house.

I decided to park in the parking garage rather than drive around opening up myself to the flood of memories that were sure to come. Now, among my many other quirks, is my recent habit of losing my car. I’ve tried all the tricks to remember where I park (I don’t remember what tricks I have tried so don’t quiz me). So, yesterday, being nervous about my date and nervous about being on The Hill I thought I should be really smart and take a picture of the sign just above where I parked. Took a deep breath and walked out into my youth. Everything looks very different but extremely the same.

There’s The Beach but no one is sitting there, smoking, waiting, fucking off. There’s the mexican restaurant but it’s bigger and no one is throwing up out front. There’s where the record store used to be…no music. There’s Chucks. No one is playing hackey sack outside waiting to go inside and play pool. No one was here except college students…and my date!!

So, we went to the old pizza shop where everyone wanted to work when we were kids. The pizza is all fancy now…and really very good. The date went swimmingly. A bit like being on a date with an old friend who was all grown up now. Very nice. We left and walked by the shoe store and where the Baskin and Robbins used to be. Although it was a beautiful day there were no skaters, no smokers, no one seemed drunk or loud. And no one was yelling about doing a back flip for a quarter.  The bittersweetness was overwhelming. I don’t do well with nostalgia.

So, here we are, I have to go to get the kids and stuff. He walks me to my car, which should not be a complicated thing. But this is me, Queen of Bad Decisions and Lost Cars. I remembered I parked in the garage, I was pretty proud of myself for that one. I remembered I was on the purple level 5. Up 6 flights because I am bad at math, down one flight and there begins The Great car Search 2014. I was using my car honking button and we would think we knew where it was and off we would go in that direction. Nope. Not there. Try again, back the other way. Nope. Do it again, off this way. Um, no. Again, follow me! Aaaaa no. 10 minutes jumping between levels and searching between cars. Listening, walking, nothing. Personally, I thought this was hysterical. I mean come on. Who does this? Well, yeah, I do and we know that but this is the first date with this guy. I can only imagine what was going on in his mind. Had I known him better I would have had a total break down and just tried to get in a car that looked like mine. But I was trying to hold it together.

He was a very good sport. We finally found the car. Really, I thought the lost car part was really really funny. Not because I lost my car, that happens all the time. But because I lost my car on a first date with this guy who doesn’t really know me and my bff’s words of “just don’t be crazy” were ringing in my ears. I try, but I am who I am even though I don’t eat spinach. But he hung tough. I give him props for not just ditching me and running away down the exit ramp.

There’s more to the story but I’m not going to tell you. Bunch of perverts you are. Came home, dog, kid, sleep. I had to email by bestie because I needed to share the experience of going home, but not really ever being able to go home. Oh and how I’m probably going to die alone, feet from my lost car someday…

I have issues with going thru doors

I’m so glad I’m not in Guatemala right now.

It's like....the same...but different...but kinda the same....

It’s like….the same…but different…but kinda the same….


Dear Diary, Day of Nothing Much Is New

A few years ago, my the 11 year old SOLD her 7 year old sister some old books. the 7 year old wanted a refund.

A few years ago, my the 11 year old SOLD her 7 year old sister some old books. the 7 year old wanted a refund.

So, nothing exciting has been happening. No fun stories to report. The kids came home, took them for mani pedis and a movie. My 11 year old had a sleepover with her bff. The dog came home from doggie day care exhausted and that is always wonderful.

This guy I am dating is alot of fun.

I think I am going to get serious about finding my birth family. But only if it is easy and only when I feel like it. Unless any of you want to find them for me…I am craving information, I am craving the unknown to be known. And I am really interested in my medical history.

But then I get distracted or busy with kid stuff and it all fades away again. Until the next chest pain or uterus pain or boob pain and then I get all hyped up about needing to KNOW.

Still planning to drive across the country this summer with the kids.

Now I am used to the snow and cold and I sort of hope it stays winter forever so I don’t have to do yard work or wear tank tops.

When the 11 year old refused the refund, the 7 year old took matters into her own hands. Sisters, can't live with 'em? Bury them.

When the 11 year old refused the refund, the 7 year old took matters into her own hands. Sisters, can’t live with ’em? Bury them.

Dear Diary, Day of Luv : Take Two

This is a picture of my closet when I was a kid. Kittens and Kevin Bacon...pretty much sums up how I became the woman I am.

This is a picture of my closet when I was a kid. Kittens and Kevin Bacon…pretty much sums up how I became the woman I am.

What can I tell you about today…hhmmm…got up, commandeered a team to get a car unstuck from my driveway, sent an expedition off to collect breakfast from the donut shop and then convoyed the children to their various activities.

And then, I went on my postponed date. We had an excellent time at my second favorite restaurant. It was genuinely fun. I’m not giving you any details. What kind of blog do you think this is?

Anyway, now I am sitting here, thinking about dating and how much I actually like it when it is good and how much I hate it when it isn’t. I very rarely have a truly awful date. But I also very rarely have a truly wonderful date either. Most fall somewhere in between and I have been conditioned to accept that as acceptable. It is.

I’m getting a mixed tape by text which is a pretty fun.

Chocolate milk makes me really thirsty.

I bought this instead of a wedding dress...positive thinking...

I bought this instead of a wedding dress…positive thinking…

Dear Diary, It’s Groundhog’s Day

I call this "Mennonite and Cow" Because it is a Mennonite and a cow...

I call this “Mennonite and Cow” Because it is a Mennonite and a cow…

Six more weeks of winter!! I guess some people were disappointed with this news. Here’s what I think : now we have a timeline! We have an end date!!! Why would that be a bad thing? But other people are weird. I mean, they get all cranky when we “spring ahead” because they think we have “lost an hour”. The way I think of it as we absorb the hour into our bodies. When we “fall back” we lose that hour that we had absorbed and that is when we actually feel tired and cranky…which, if you happen to notice, seems to last all winter until we “spring ahead” and re-absorb that hour. Our bodies know. I also thought the rhyme was “red sky at night, sailor’s delight. Red sky in the morning sailor’s be wary” which doesn’t rhyme but I figured that was because it was translated from some ancient Sanskrit or something.

This morning I woke up to the sound of the dog puking in his crate. I have learned over the years to not make a judgement on how my day (week/year/life) is going to unfold based on how it starts. I don’t do well with bad smells in the morning. So, I also puked in the dog’s crate. He’s just lucky that he was already out when I tossed my cookies. See? Good day for the dog!

I got dressed. Went to church. I am currently in the middle of a crisis of faith. It’s ok. I have been here before. But, we had a guest pastor and we found out our organist is leaving for the Presbyterian church. I can’t lie, it made me feel a bit worse about myself than I was already feeling after cleaning up two piles of vomit before 8am.

The kids and I came home, did all the laundry, made chicken wing dip, watched The Puppy Bowl, became aware that the dog must have left over puke somewhere on his head because he stinks and then left for the annual Super Bowl party friends of ours throw. It is so much fun because none of us are die hard football fans. But the guys know enough that it keeps it all interesting. I used to dread Super Bowl Sunday. I hated football, it would inevitably  lead to an argument about me being just wrong about everything that I have ever said. So, going to a really fun party, with funny people and ofcourse chicken wing dip, well, it’s as close to sports heaven as I am ever going to get!

We left, came home, put the kids to bed, told the dog he is getting a bath tomorrow and decided to document this day. I am telling you guys, if I was one of those people who took everything as a sign, I would never get out of bed. If I chose to just accept the way everyone else interprets things, I would be so depressed. Puking in a dog crate? I’ve puked in worse places. Six more weeks of winter? That brings us to the middle of March which is when winter around here usually ends anyway so…

Richard Sherman really does look like Doug E. Doug.

Sometimes I really wonder about me.

I call this one "cows" Sticking with a theme tonight.

I call this one “cows” Sticking with a theme tonight.

No Sleep Till Brooklyn


me and hopeWell, I did it again. I took the kids on vacation. And actually, we did great. I suppose 7 years into single motherhood, I am starting to get the hang of it…My bff (the one I told you about in this post) and her bf went on vacation (like a real one…to a tropical place, with scuba diving and no kids and alcohol….) and offered me her place in Brooklyn for the week! Being as I am broke this is completely in my price range!!! Plus, my bff has excellent taste and lives in DUMBO which is so beautiful…the view from her roof is AMAZE. Anyway, the kids and I get 6 days and 5 nights in NYC!!!! My kids love NYC. Especially my 14 year old who is Broadway Bound. Between me and you, I think my 10 year old and myself could sit on a beach and read Harry Potter and be completely content for weeks if not months…but when I was a kid, NYC was where I wanted to be. Off we go!

Not before my 14 year old wakes up vomiting with some sort of stomach bug. Because, as you know from this post our vacations always involve puke. Oh and the place where I usually board my dog called to say they are having a bout of kennel cough. Excellent! Now I KNOW it is vacation!!! Regardless, we pack and go. I have three rolly suitcases except one doesn’t have a handle so to actually roll it, one has to stoop over in a hunchback fashion to use it. I won’t say which one of us got that job. I drove to Albany because, after much thought and worry I decided that we should take the train rather than brave the bridges into Brooklyn. Having made that decision made me feel loads better. We hopped on the train in Albany and my 14 year old was still feeling rather ill. I wouldn’t let her talk directly at me because if I got sick then the world would end. So, everytime she tried to talk to me I would make her look straight ahead and speak, which would crack me UP because to look at her it looked like she was talking out loud to herself.

We got off the train, found the subway we needed and almost passed out lugging our six heavy bags (screw you and your 50 pound a bag limit Amtrak!!!!!) up the stairs then down the stairs then up the stairs then down the stairs again (rolly bags don’t work on stairs. They just bang along and make really loud crashing sounds which makes other people jump out of the way.) We wound up in Brooklyn! And wheeled our way the 6 blocks to my bff’s apartment.walking in brooklyn Her friend who has the Gorilla Glue duct tape appeared holding 3 bottles of cold water and the keys to the 4th floor walk up! The water brought some color back into my poor, sick 14 year old’s cheeks. The looming 4 flights of stairs drained it right back out. We country folk ain’t accustomed ta all this here walkin around. It only took about a half hour to get the key to work and voila! We are IN!

I took the kids up to the roof to see the view.

Start spreadin the news.....

Start spreadin the news…..

We took a walk around DUMBO and stumbled upon a family fun night down under the Manhattan bridge. My 10 year old played in the really nice playground and got wet in the sprinkler, we got ice cream and took some great pics.



We went back to the apt, showered and passed out. We got up the next day and went to Coney Island.

Coney Island Crack.

Coney Island Crack.

I don’t think I have ever been to Coney Island and I am pretty sure once is enough for me. We went swimming, I saw a shark, a lot of broken glass and some body parts that are not legal in Upstate. The kids rode almost every ride

The little girl sitting behind my 14 year old was a little scared and was holding on to my kid for dear life!

The little girl sitting behind my 14 year old was a little scared and was holding on to my kid for dear life!

and we ate Nathan’s hot dogs because that is what you do. I was raised in Liverpool, NY so really anything that is not a Hoffman’s hot dog is just shit. Not being mean, just stating a fact. But when in Rome…

We went home and showered and passed out. The next day we went exploring Manhattan.DSCF2455 I am not a fan of Times Square. I mean, it is fun for the kids and all now that it is Disneyfied and Giuliani kicked out all the hookers, drug dealers and homeless.

Like these dudes have homes...obviously. They are wearing them...

Like these dudes have homes…obviously. They are wearing them…

But I will always have a special place in my heart for the Times Square of peep shows and street magicians and pick pockets and not looking up. Regardless, we wound up in Times Square a few times during the week. We also went to The Village and China Town and Little Italy

Where all the men are good looking, the women are strong and the children above average. And the men are good looking...did I say that already?

Where all the men are good looking, the women are strong and the children above average. And the men are good looking…did I say that already?

and the Garment District which is my FAV place. I LOVE buying clothes for 5 bucks from racks on the street.  And we did eat at Jekyll and Hyde restaurant which was a blast! It was a Tuesday evening so it was not crowded and it was dinner and a show. Perfect for kids who have been walking the island of Manhattan all day.

Getting a mind reading from Dr. Jekyll himself!!!

Getting a mind reading from Dr. Jekyll himself!!!

We went to the New York Public Library (as featured in Ghostbusters…no really, that is what the cop said when we asked him how to get there “oh you mean the one with the lions from Ghostbusters?”) because it is free and so beautiful. DSCF2291 They have free tours which I LOVED because it is all about the history. And their bathrooms are so lovely and clean!I guess I should stop here and tell you that my goals beyond making sure the kids had a good time and not catching my daughter’s stomach bug were to find free fun things to do and to find free clean bathrooms to use. Turning 40 has really narrowed my priorities. The bathroom at the Jekyll an Hyde restaurant was so INCREDIBLE. I won’t tell you the whole story but you have to walk through a fireplace

Just thru the fireplace and take a right....

Just thru the fireplace and take a right….

and then find the right book to push, in a hallway that is top to bottom books, which will open the door to the restroom.

Hope you don't have to pee real bad cause this could take a while....

Hope you don’t have to pee real bad cause this could take a while….

And the only way to tell if you are entering the men’s or the ladies is if you happen to notice a man standing at the urinal…which didn’t register with me as I had to pee…whoops! “This is a family joint lady, not Studio 54!”

We went to MoMa (Museum of Modern Art) I can’t remember exactly why we went there. But it was 25 bucks for me to get in and the kids were free. And I got to make the kids imitate the art, because life imitates art in my world.DSCF2259 DSCF2260 DSCF2274 DSCF2247 DSCF2249 DSCF2257 Most of the other museums in NY are only a suggested fee. So if you don’t have their suggested 25 dollar donation then you give what you can and go right in. Kids are generally free anyway. MoMA was ok. I don’t care about modern art really, or Led Zeppelin or gaucho pants which isn’t to say I don’t own a piece of modern art, a Zeppelin song or two and a pair of gaucho pants. I can appreciate that which does not thrill me. MoMA had a very nice bathroom, but nothing to write home about.

Wednesday evenings in the summer Central Park has free concerts at Rumsey Playfield.

Almost to Rumsey Field to see Martha Graham Dance Co!!!!!

Almost to Rumsey Field to see Martha Graham Dance Co!!!!!

Wednesday night was Martha Graham Dance Company…for FREE! Wow!! I studied up on the specs of exactly how and when to get there to get in line. And we did it! The show started at 8 and lasted until about 10. It was outside with the breeze blowing… incredible. It was so refreshing to see dancers trained in a technique performing that technique to perfection. The artistic director was there and gave a short talk before the show about the history of Graham company and Martha and the technique she created. It was really so fulfilling for me to hear and for my kids to listen to after all of the SYTYCD  and Dance Moms crap that they are exposed to which is so far from the art of dance. Ok, I won’t get into it here. Suffice it to say, it was inspiring to be surrounded by people who love dance, not that crap on tv and to see such beautiful dancing by professionals (and not a single illusion or switch leap or crotch shot in the entire performance).

Thursday we went to see Potted Potter, an Off-Broadway musical parody of the all 7 Harry Potter books.DSCF2467 It was HYSTERICAL! A must see even if you aren’t a Potter geek like we are. We had orchestra center. We picked up our tickets at TKTS booth in Brooklyn the day before for half off. So, basically we paid the nosebleed price for the best seats in the house.potted potter Although, it is a small theater and any seat would be good for the show. But audience participation is optional and sitting closer is better for that sort of thing. My 10 year old, who has read the entire series twice thru so far, was in heaven!

And last but not least, we got to see Selena Gomez in concert for FREE as part of the Good Morning America Summer Concert Series!!!!!DSCF2496 I had NO idea I like Selena Gomez as much as I do! For that experience we had to get up at 4am, get on the subway by 5am, get to Central Park before 6am and queue up. We did it, and we had GREAT standing places (there are no seats…not even for old people who have been walking around for 5 days in bad shoes and have been up since 4am. Nope. I checked.) We were directly behind the VIP section!  That was very much alot more funner than I would have imagined it was going to be. And yes, it made me that much dumber. Whatev, it was free. And I spotted Sam Champion who is my favorite.

The REAL reason I got up at 4am.

The REAL reason I got up at 4am.

We did lots of  other stuff like the Whispering Wall in Grand Central and Metropolitan Museum of Art for the Punk exhibit (which sucked ass and was so lame I gave it the finger)



We stopped for every street performer

Yup. That's just a G-string and yellow paint...

Yup. That’s just a G-string and yellow paint…

, we did eat at a few nice places

A nice Irish Pub mac and cheese...

A nice Irish Pub mac and cheese…

. We talked to some fun people on the subway and I got punched in the eye by a pigeon. No lie. Over all it was a great trip. The best free bathrooms are NYPL, ANY hotel on the Upper East Side,  and The Bottom of The Rock (Rockefeller Center). There are others but I have a NYC hangover and can’t think of them at the moment. And I didn’t throw up at all. The End.