Tag Archives: popcorn

Dear Diary, I Am Mad At Tyler Perry

This is what i looked like thru the whole damn movie....

This is what I looked like thru the whole damn movie….

Today, a few single mom girlfriends and I went to see Tyler Perry’s Single Moms Club. I was really excited about this movie. I am a single mom. Finally someone was going to tell MY story. And I got to hang out with other single moms! We all brought our kids and they went to see The Muppet Movie while we were in our movie. That worked out well…especially since I was so forward thinking in having my kids at such a young age so that when my friends had kids later in life, I would have the kids who can babysit. Cause that is just the kind of friend I am. Considerate. Or really bad with birth control…either way, it has worked out well for all of us.

I didn’t think this was going to be an award winning movie. But Tyler Perry is very popular and I have liked some of his other things…he generally tells a good story. But he totally dropped the ball on this one. I mean it was insulting and I usually don’t  recognize when I am being insulted. Maybe he was bored, maybe he needs money, maybe someone forced him to write this movie…maybe he just wanted an excuse to kiss Nia Long…not sure but the acting was awful, the directing was worse, the story was shit, the heartwarming scenes were cliché and the humor was non existent. He showcased every stereotype single mother, never developed any real back story and then had them all realize they should be more co-dependent on their kids and if their ex is an asshole they can just take him back to court for more money. And in the end it’s all ok because the ladies all find men. Just snooze. Lacking the romance that would have intrigued us single mothers, lacking the reality of the true struggle of co-parenting, and disrespecting us and the fear and anguish that court brings up for all of us when we are forced to go that route makes me really angry with Tyler Perry.

I guess it’s definitely a life experience that if you haven’t “been there, done that” then you should just keep your mouth shut. No one can tell the story of single motherhood unless they have been a single mother. You can argue with me and say that creative people or emphatic people can absolutely tell a story from the view point of a single mother. And they might be able to describe but they will never be able to convey and relate. And that’s ok. The ways we are the same but different,the real discriminations we face daily. The true grief we struggle with. The secrets we keep so that we don’t hurt the new partners we become involved with. It’s compound and complex and hard as hell. It is also the most rewarding thing we could possible do with our lives. There is no substitute for a two parent home, and we single moms know that and yet, we give our children more than we could have by staying married. We are lucky in that we get to have a very unique and special relationship with our kids. We might not have a partner there to witness them growing up or share the overwhelming love we feel for them, but we get to single handedly receive all the love, all of the pride, all of the closeness and we don’t have to share it with anyone else. It’s not selfish, it is one of the many perks of being a single mom.

Tyler Perry basically called the single mothers in his movie lazy, wealthy, emotionally distressed, non authoritative, with kids who are entitled, in jail and unbalanced. He said with this movie that we are all looking for a man to be the stability in our lives, that we are fundamentally unhappy alone and at the very least we need sex. Now, those things may be true OCCASIONALLY. but it is not the standard or the norm. And all of that bullshit would have been tolerable if he had a story that was worth watching. If the acting was not sub par or if the directing supported the actors. But, basically, it sucked. I am offended and pissed off and unentertained. It’s a damn good thing the popcorn was fresh and I had my girlfriends with me or Tyler Perry would have at least 3 emails from me tonight telling him where he can stick his movie.

But I got to hang out with some phenomenal single moms who are really doing it all, just like I am. We laughed at the stupidity  and marveled at the stilettos all the moms in the movie were wearing…who the hell goes to pick up their kid at school in platform stilettos? The ONLY woman I have ever seen do that is happily married…weird. Thumbs down Tyler Perry Single Moms Club and a giant BOO HISS. Unless you go with your single mom friends and make fun of it, or if you are not a single mom, then there is no reason for anyone to go see this one.

The movie made my face like this...I think it is frozen this way...crap. Now how the hell am I going to find that sexy man and make him save me from my sad pathetic little life. Thanks alot Tyler Perry.

The movie made my face like this…I think it is frozen this way…crap. Now how the hell am I going to find that sexy man and make him save me from my sad pathetic little life. Thanks alot Tyler Perry.


Dear Diary, Test Driving Shoes

I still haven't gotten the hang of Selfies...

I still haven’t gotten the hang of Selfies…

Today the kids had a half day AND the new Divergent movie opened!! So,my bff, the kids and I went to see it! I was so excited I bought all of us tee shirts with different things from the movie on them. Pretty sure it was just me and the 11 year old who thought this was a brilliant idea. But, everyone was a good sport (this is the same bff who wore the tiara I made out of sparkly pipe cleaners at her work for her birthday…she is the epitome of good sport). Loved the movie. I read the book like two and a half times and I really don’t remember it so it was sort of like watching something that was familiar and yet surprisingly new! This memory loss is really not so bad when it comes to things like remembering who I hate, or the plot lines in a book. It sucks when it comes to remembering sentence structure and whether or not I have my glasses on (I constantly poke myself in between my eyes when I am wearing my contacts because I forget that I don’t have my glasses on…or maybe I am wearing invisible glasses…that are made out of thin air…I can’t remember).

Today I decided to wear the shoes I am thinking of wearing on our annual trip to NYC. We have been taking this day trip to NYC for the past 8 years and every year I go for cute rather than comfy. And I wind up in severe pain after the first hour. By the end of the day my feet are usually swollen and bloody. It’s not pretty. But I have these cute little boots I wanted to try…so I put those on, to see if I could stand it (get it? “stand it” cause it has to do with my feet…and walking and standing??? Cripes Sake it’s the best I got tonight guys…lighten up!!!) I feel like I have been walking around NYC all day in mean but cute shoes. I’m curious to find out if this is the year I give up and wear sneakers and a fanny pack or if I forget that my feet hurt and just wear some super sassy little boots…it’s like every day is a surprise!!!

My microwave died so now I have to be all Little House on the Prairie to heat up my foot bag. I mean Little House if  Laura Ingalls had ziplock baggies and an electric stove…wouldn’t that have blown Nelly Olsen’s spoiled bratty mind!!!

I am trying to think of my rolaids as my midnight snack…

3 out of the 4 tee shirts...I can't show you where we put our temporary tattoos...

3 out of the 4 tee shirts…I can’t show you where we put our temporary tattoos…

Dear Diary, Kiss Today Goodbye

Yeah so I was driving thru Middle Earth yesterday and came across this guy...He actually tried to get in my car. I was all "Dude! This ain't Disney"

Yeah so I was driving thru Middle Earth yesterday and came across this guy…He actually tried to get in my car. I was all “Dude! This ain’t Disney”

I would but I can’t. Because I have the worst canker sore in the history of canker sores. I can’t smile, I can’t really talk and just sitting here, breathing, makes my eyes water. My cheek is swollen…like, you can SEE it. That’s bad don’t you agree? I’d show it to you (because it is my proven theory that by showing as many people as you can your canker sore makes it hurt less) but it hurts so bad I think the flash from the camera might make me cry. It’s shooting pain up my nose and down my throat. I’m probably not going to make it through the night. But I texted my bff my last will and testament so I’m ready to go. Death by canker sore. I never would have guessed.

I don’t know what else I can tell you. Saw a couple of movies before this canker sore incapacitated me…They sucked eggs. I drove over 300 miles yesterday and literally didn’t GO anywhere. We switched from skim milk to whole organic milk. So far, I just feel fatter not healthier. Blah, blah, blah…dog, kids, car, sleep. Just so you know, it was actually High Drama Weekend but we won’t get into that right now…because my canker sore hurts so bad.

Don’t forget, turn the clocks around next weekend and MY CANKER SORE IS OUTRAGEOUS.

I used to not care about our hometown sports teams, but right now, I hate them. But they shouldn’t take it personally and I am sure I will get over it.

I'm at the age where I can wear fan tee shirts without embarrassment...or with less embarrassment...ok, I was only NOT embarrassed until I left the house.

I’m at the age where I can wear fan tee shirts without embarrassment…or with less embarrassment…ok, I was only NOT embarrassed until I left the house.