Tag Archives: soda

Dear Diary, Welcome to El-Anon

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This is how my kid shovels snow...you should see how she mows the lawn!

This is how my kid shovels snow…you should see how she mows the lawn!

El-Anon is for the family and friends of Ellen. We have steps and slogans and it’s all very helpful. So far there is only me and sometimes my friend Jack. She’s real, not imaginary (the only imaginary friends I have are good boyfriends). Welcome and you will be expected to dye your hair red. It’s just a suggestion.

I made a decision to eat healthier.It was based in part of the realization that I might get killed by a maniac mass murderer before I died of bad eating. And then someone posted one of those lame HuffPo pieces on 10 greatest things about hummus and I felt it had to be kismet. I drove myself right over to our local middle eastern restaurant and got me some hummus….I do love hummus and HuffPo said it was wicked good for me. So, now I am safe from cancer and my hair is going to be shiny and my poop won’t stink anymore. For real it’s kicked the avocado and coconut oil out of the magical food top spots. Ain’t no stoppin me now that I got my hummus. Except that it makes me so sick. I am hoping that is just because my body is not used to good food. The day before I had a whole bag of beef jerky and a bottle of coke for dinner…so maybe the hummus sort of sent me into shock.

Um, what else…work, snow, kids, dog, pop culture…nothing exciting.

I believe all weathermen are pathological liars.

When the wind blows my bangs I look like I am wearing a toupee.

This was when my dad was going to jump off the roof. My mother just got the camera...sums up their marriage.

This was when my dad was going to jump off the roof. My mother just got the camera…sums up their marriage.

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Dear Diary…Day Three?

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Um yeah...like that.

Um yeah…like that.

Today the kids had a snow day. That is always fun. No really. I love snow days. I am not being sarcastic. I really do. They slept in. I miss the days when they were awake before me. The reversal of these roles tells me I am heading for old age as they are entering full on teenagerhood. Both of which suck. Two pieces of advice: Do NOT get a teenager and do NOT get old. You’re welcome.

My 10 year old got up first and offered to make pancakes. I said “Heck Yeah!” But she got distracted watching a Cake Boss episode so, pancakes didn’t happen until late morning. By that time, my blood sugar had dropped and I was in a “mood”. The 15 year old woke up and mutter under her breath about having to take the dog out for a pee and poop as it was literally about -30 with the windchill…apparently she thinks her sister is better equipped to handle arctic temperatures. But she did it.

She came in and said the dog wouldn’t poop because he couldn’t stand on all four legs because it was too cold and we needed to go get him boots ASAP. I said “Ooooohhhh…go take him out again” which she did and said he pooped. What she failed to tell me was that he POOPED IN THE DININGROOM.

We got ready to go and went.

Wound up at Red Robin Restaurant and had The Worst Service in the History of Eating Out.

Dropped the 15 year old to an appointment and the 10 year old and I went to Target where she found some new sneaks and a pair of pants. Met Grandma, gave her the kids so they all could go to Disney on Ice. I left for the movies.

I saw Wolf of Wall Street. It was good. Formulaic, very Scorses-esque but Jonah Hill was beyond brilliant and really should win an award.

Drove home listening to that flaming narcissist on AM Talk Radio…he sort of makes me laugh…like at him, not with him. And contemplating my life and how I got here. There was a very triggering scene in the movie that of course triggered me…I never did find flashbacks to be all that fun.

Anyway, I have been bitchy all day. The soda machine was off at the Red Robin and that really just set me off. I told the kids I wanted to key the waitress’ car…my 15 year old told me that would be a bad idea and a bit of an overreaction to the coke not being fizzy. I see her point.

I am VERY excited for tomorrow!!! I am down to one bra and that one bra is down to one hook so tomorrow I am going to buy a brand new over the shoulder boulder holder!!!! Haven’t done that since the 15 year old started wearing bras so YEA ME!!! Also, the only thing I didn’t get for birthday/christmas was a throw blanket…I wanted a soft pretty one to wrap up with on the couch. A sweet friend sent me a gift certificate so tomorrow I am going to get a beautiful blankie…so that I can take off my new bra and snuggle with my dog while I watch SNL….but that’s tomorrow.

Tonight I will sleep with the space heater on and my foot bag heated to lava hot.

My dog really can’t poop in this cold.

I just finished The Hunger Games series for the second time and I have zero recollection of the second book despite having seen the movie twice now.

Intentions and kakapoopie are the buzz words of the day.

Yeah...kiss my grits.

Yeah…kiss my grits.